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Matthews Marshalls Upset BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS--For the second straight week, Boston faced a team without their regular starting quarterback. It was the Lagers who were done in by injury though. Last week, the Lagers sqeaked by the Neanderthal who lost Vinnie Testaverde to a blown Achiles's tendon. This week, Mennonites' starter Steve McNair announced he
Curtis Martin and Randy Moss have yet to find the end zone and the Giants defense, one of the most dominating of last week, did little more than lay down against West Coast. Still, Boston had a good chance to beat the Mennonites until Jamal Anderson went down with a knee injury after only managing nine yards of rushing. Jimmy Smith still hasn't caught a touchdown pass, but made ten catches, making Matthews's job a whole lot easier. "Steve's gone and he's gonna be gone for awhile," Smith said following the game. "We don't have time to sit around and feel sorry for ourselves. We all need to step up our own games a notch to make up for his loss." |
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BEIJING, CHINA--This week, there were no injuries to blame. No one in the locker room even tried to make an excuse. Sin City lost and they lost badly. "I think we need to question the mentality of this team," general manager Jake Bell sighed. "I think guys know we won the Bucco Bruce Bowl last year and expect us to just cruise through the regular season and win it all in the end. It doesn't work that way." Among those most criticized are Mark Brunell and Terrell Davis. Brunell has thrown only one touchdown pass all season and Davis has yet to go over 100 yards rushing in a game. Davis finally scored his first touchdown on Sunday, but it came after the game was already out of reach. "There weren't any bad performances in this game," Brunell told the press. "We all put up good average numbers. Unfortunately, average teams don't take home rings at the end of the year."
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STADE ATLANTIS--As the final seconds ticked off the clock, Joe Paterno threw down his headset in disgust. His throat was hoarse from shouting at the officials. "I can't believe what they were doing out there," Paterno growled. "We got a first down, but the clock just kept ticking!" Someone tried to explain to JoePa the difference between college and pro rules, but he was too busy shouting about how many more receptions his team would have had if the referees would have called completions when they clearly got one foot in bounds. Some might guess the Fifes had read their own press after their upset of Sin City last week, but to do that diminishes the awesome performances of the Buccaneer defense and Marvin Harrison. The Buccaneer D is quickly establishing itself as the best in the BFL, sacking Troy Aikman nine times and pulling in an interception. Harrison pulled in seven passes and took three of them for touchdowns. "I just hope that we can avoid this kind of thing in the future," Wombat owner Ryan Lindstrom told the press. "From now on, when I email Chris [Holly, general manager of Mayberry], I expect a prompt reply."
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 Jake Plummer Honolulu Headbangers 4 interceptions and barely 100 yards passing throws any chance of beating Woodchucks out the window... which is better than throwing it to Athenian cornerbacks. Runners-up Giants Defense - Try to stop Natrone Means and Jimmy Smith with shouts of "Hey, come back here!" Brian Griese - Testaverde's replacement plays only slightly better than Vinnie would have himself. Circus Bears' RBs - Greg Hill and Leroy Hoard combine for 7 yards rushing, 6 less than QB Steve Young. Troy Aikman - 2 INTs, 100 yards passing in loss to Wombats. Carl Pickens - Two catches for 10 yards. That's almost as bad as... Sean Dawkins - One catch, seven yards. |
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BAKERSFIELD, VERMONT--Steve Young bounced back from a horrible performance last week to prove he still had some fuel in his tank. Unfortunately, the rest of the Circus Bears didn't seem to share his attitude. With Marshall Faulk out due to a human cannonball accident, the Bakersfield running game was non-existant. No one outside of Young found the endzone for Bakersfield and the Broncos defense focused so much on intimidating Brian Griese they let Dorsey Levens single handedly beat them. Griese's poor performance raised questions in the Toledo locker room. "Brian has talent and the right attitude for this game. He doesn't get rattled easily," Caoch Sam Rutigliano said, "but he still makes some youthful mistakes." Toledo may finally be open to talking trade for a veteran quarterback to replace Testaverde.
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