Week Two

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Sinners Take Saints

74 65 Return of the Conquering Hero BAKERSFIELD, VT--Bakersfield games have been more like homecoming games lately. Last week, Marvin Harrison and his Lagers defeated the Circus Bears, his team from last year (when they were the B'Nai B'Rith). Next week, Bakersfield will visit former B'Nai B'Rith receiver Andre Rison in his new home, Sin City. This week, it was Garrison Hearst who came to call. Without injured quartback Elvis Grbac in the lineup and Scott Mitchell faltering, Hearst carried his new team to victory. "Don't think I don't remember who Baker's golden boy was," Hearst crowed, referring to former teammate Terry Allen. Allen was retained by the Circus Bears this offseason while Hearst was returned to the draft. Hearst thoroughly outplayed Allen, rushing for more yards and scoring a touchdown. He openly mocked Allen on the sidelines when Allen fumbled away a ball which helped cost Bakersfield the game. Toledo Neanderthal Pts Bakersfield Circus Bears Pts Scott Mitchell 17 Jake Plummer 23 Napolean Kaufman 25 Terry Allen 6 Garrison Hearst 20 Donnell Bennett 4 Antonio Freeman 17 Carl Pickens 14 Keyshawn Johnson 17 Rob Moore 3 Terrance Mathis 4 Raghib Ismail 2 Mark Chmura 5 Shannon Sharpe 25 John Kasay 2 Mike Hollis 3 Steelers 15 Patsies 33

Player of the Week Seahawks Defense Sin City Grifters 2 INTs returned for TDs, 7 sacks, and 4 turnovers prove Sin City is more than just offensive. Runners-up Barry Sanders - Proves poor showing last week was a fluke with 3 TDs and over 180 yards to upset Boston. Flavor Favre - Gets second career BFL win, posting 44 points with 2 TDs. Terrell Davis - 3 TDs and nearly 200 rushing yards makes up for poor passing game.

Week Two Team Pts Flavor Favre, Texas 44 Terrell Davis, Sin City 41 Barry Sanders, London 41 Isaac Bruce, Athens 34 Tim Brown, West Coast 20 Antonio Freeman, Toledo Keyshawn Johnson, Toledo 17 Shannon Sharpe, Bakersfield 25 Pete Stoyanovich, Tangerine 11 Seahawks, Sin City 52 All-Dissappointment Team Pts Scott Mitchell, Toledo 17 Eddie George, West Coast 3 Mike Alstott, Tangerine 2 Jake Reed, London 2 Keenan McCardell, London 1 Jermaine Lewis, Waterworld 0 Ben Coates, Tangerine Troy Drayton, Boston Joe Jurevicius, West Coast 0 Mike Vanderjagt, Athens 0 Broncos, Athens 2

81 57 Pele Knows Football! BOSTON, MA--He's arguably the greatest football player in history... or at least a decent facsimile. Either way, the difference between football and football (commonly known to Americans as soccer) didn't seem to matter to Werewolves of London coach (A Guy Who Kind of Resembles) Pele. After last week's horrible outing, the Werewolves proved one loss was not enough to derail their season. "I don't know if he's Pele or not," said Player of the Week runner-up Barry Sanders, "but he's one of the greatest football minds I've worked with." Both Sanders and Jeff George who suffered through some of their worst career performances under former coach George Seifert attributed their success this week to Pele('s doppleganger). "Early in the first quarter, we weren't really sure what to do," George explained. "I looked at him just before we went onto the field and he said, 'Throw the ball to the catcher guys and tell them to catch it.' It blew me away. It's so deep, yet so simple." Sanders nodded as George related his story. "Between the first and second quarter, he tapped me on the shoulder. He looked me in the eyes and said, 'Run really fast and if a guy tries to stop you, don't let him.' He just has this aura... you can't explain it." Werewolves of London Pts Boston Slammin' Lagers Pts Jeff George 40 Drew Bledsoe 29 Barry Sanders 41 Corey Dillon 14 Tiki Barber 10 Ricky Watters 12 Jake Reed 2 Michael Irvin 11 Charles Johnson 2 Randy Moss 11 Keenan McCardell 1 Marvin Harrison 3 Wesley Walls 1 Troy Drayton 0 John Hall 4 Jason Hanson 4 Buccaneers 27 49ers 25

72 31 Tarpons Dealing with PSFO Contraversy in Typical Fashion MESA, AZ--John Stammerman was in the crowd at Dobson High School as a guest of Tarpon receiver Jerry Rice. He avoided the media, refusing to answer questions about his allegations against the BFL. Stammerman has stated BFL officials were behind the forced closing of the Poor Sports Football Organization, a football league which would have competed with the BFL. He is demanding his PSFO team, the Bull Harbour Bulldogs be instated as a BFL team. Stammerman's appearance overshadowed another sterling performance by Flavor Favre. Favre earned his second career victory in the BFL while once again leading all quarterbacks in scoring. Jerome Bettis bounced back from being named Disappointment of the Week with over 130 yards and a touchdown. The defense was the big story though, forcing four turnovers. Texas Sexists Pts Tangerine Tarpons Pts Brett Favre 44 Ryan Leaf 23 Jerome Bettis 19 Adrian Murrell 8 Curtis Martin 15 Mike Alstott 2 Rod Smith 9 Jerry Rice 9 Yancey Thigpen 8 Karl Williams 11 Terrell Owens 14 Michael Jackson 5 Frank Wychek 16 Ben Coates 0 Jason Elam 6 Pete Stoyanovich 11 Green Bay Packers 38 Jacksonville Jaguars 21

Disappointment of the Week Eddie George West Coast Mennonites Playing beside Robert Smith's 2 TD, 170 yard performance just make George's 11 yards look worse as the Grifters steamrolled the Mennonites. Runners-up Scott Mitchell - Filling in for the injured Grbac, Mitchell throws 2 INTs and completes only 15 passes. Rob Moore - All-BFL receiver last year continues to slide with only two catches.

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How Many Bucks can Costner Chuck?