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Champion-sized Beatdown
CHAMBERSBURG, PA--Last year's champions got a hard realization that past accomplishments are nothing but history in a sport that focuses on what you've done lately.
Paying tribute to the dearly departed Johnny Cash by renaming all their boys "Sue," the Woolfs crushed the Chameleons
131
|
West Virginia Woolfs | Pts | |
Sue McNabb |
2 | |
Sue Holmes |
33 | |
Sue A. Green |
24 | |
Sue Coles |
29 | |
Sue Jackson |
27 | |
Sue Stallworth |
11 | |
Sue Pollard |
2 | |
Sue Feely |
7 | |
Sue Panthers |
18 |
| 
50
|
Chambersburg Chameleons | Pts | |
Rich Gannon |
5 | |
Charlie Garner |
13 | |
Garrison Hearst |
10 | |
Keyshawn Johnson |
15 | |
Rod Smith |
9 | |
Tim Brown |
1 | |
Doug Jolley |
1 | |
Jason Elam |
14 | |
Eagles |
4 |
|
despite a second straight week of terrible play at the quarterback slot. "It's shocking on one hand how bad Donovan [McNabb] and [Tom] Brady played," admitted head coach Cole Ford, "but even moreso how incredible our runningbacks have been."
Reigning MVP Priest Holmes nearly earned Player of the Week honors for a second straight week and confessed he was motivated by playing against Chambersburg. "Last season when I got the Selmon Award, some people thought Rich Gannon deserved it instead. I wanted to squash that noise."
For that matter, Gannon didn't make much noise at all, struggling to throw for just 103 yards on 13 for 28 passing. The Eagles also added some credence to the infamous Doug Williams Award curse, earning All-Disappointment Team "honors" for watching Holmes and Ahman Green march up and down the field while simultaneously allowing Laveranues Coles and Darrell Jackson to ring up the best stats of any receivers all weekend.
Raven Reviews
BAKERSFIELD, VT--The combination of Peyton Manning, Marshall Faulk, and Eric Moulds had many penciling the Circus Bears in for their first playoff appearance in four years, but the Ravens defense wasn't among them.
"You have a former MVP and former MVP runner up in the backfield, but that's just more motivation to prove ourselves," boasted linebacker Ray Lewis. The proof came in holding both Manning and Faulk to medicore numbers, while stifling the rest of the offense with the exception of Moulds.
The former All-BFL defense weren't the only Grifters with something to prove. Edgerrin James showed the form and style that made him the #1 pick overall of the 2001 draft. A blown knee ended that season prematurely and relegated last year to a de facto rehab session, but now James appears to be back and the perfect running mate for Deuce McAllister. The two combined for 218 yards and two touchdowns.
Meanwhile, the heat appears to be increasing for Circus Bears coach Steve Young after he benched Koren Robinson for missing a team meeting without informing management. Ownership denies Young's job is at risk, but fans are beginning to doubt his security.
90
Sin City
Grifters | Pts | |
Matt Hasselbeck |
30 | |
Edgerrin James |
20 | |
Deuce McAllister |
20 | |
Chad Johnson |
16 | |
Charles Rogers |
6 | |
D'Wayne Bates |
3 | |
Todd Heap |
1 | |
Jeff Wilkins |
9 | |
Ravens |
39 |
| 
48
Bakersfield
Circus Bears | Pts | |
Peyton Manning |
22 | |
Marshall Faulk |
11 | |
Curtis Martin |
5 | |
Eric Moulds |
22 | |
Isaac Bruce |
10 | |
Koren Robinson |
0 | |
Shannon Sharpe |
13 | |
Martin Gramatica |
4 | |
Raiders |
15 |
|
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Run of the House
ASBURY PARK, NJ--"We knew we needed this game," shouted an ecstatic Jamal Lewis, "I told the Killah Bees we were going to have this game, and I knew I was going to have a career day!" Lewis made good on all his predictions, setting a new BFL rushing record with 295 yards on the ground.
"Getting this win, on the road, was essential," laughed coach Jim Mora. "We have a legitimate shot at the playoffs. If we'd lost... playoffs?!? We'd be just 1-1, we 'got lucky last week,' and we're not worth diddly-poo."
The Mounties owe as much to Lewis on the offensive side of the ball as they do to the Patsies on the defensive side. "I got my hundred," shrugged Ricky Williams as he left the locker room, ignoring his teammates. In fact, the running back rang up 125 yards, but the rest of his teammates struggled against defensive coordinator Ali Landry's new schemes.
"You don't want to hit the panic button after just two unlucky games," East Coast coach Bill Parcells sighed, "but you also don't want to fall into an 0-3 hole. I'm betting you're going to see some changes around here soon."
"Huh?" gaped quarterback Aaron Brooks.
86
Moose River
Mounties | Pts | |
Trent Green |
15 | |
Jamal Lewis |
45 | |
Fred Taylor |
12 | |
Randy Moss |
6 | |
Joey Galloway |
5 | |
J.J. Stokes |
1 | |
Jeremy Shockey |
8 | |
Morton Andersen |
5 | |
Patsies |
40 |
| 
58
East Coast
Killah Bees | Pts | |
Marc Bulger |
31 | |
Ricky Williams |
24 | |
Shaun Alexander |
13 | |
Terrell Owens |
13 | |
Jerry Rice |
6 | |
Marty Booker |
2 | |
Billy Miller |
2 | |
John Carney |
7 | |
Dolphins |
11 |
|
|
Lagers Tapped
BOSTON--As consistantly as the Mennonites defy expectations, it's come to be expected they'll pull out some impressive and unlikely wins. But, technically, are you really defying expectations when you're expected to do so?
"I know I'm expected to throw these guys on my back and carry them all to the promised land," runningback LaDainian Tomlinson confessed, "and I'm not really holding up my end of the bargain."
"If anything," Amani Toomer rebutted, "getting a win like this is more important at this point. If we let ourselves rely on any player too much, we're at risk if he has an off day. If everyone's contributing, when LaDainian finally gives us a 200 yard, three TD day, it's all just gravy."
101
West Coast
Mennonites | Pts | |
Tommy Maddox |
23 | |
LaDainian Tomlinson |
15 | |
Stephen Davis |
14 | |
Hines Ward |
18 | |
Chris Chambers |
10 | |
Amani Toomer |
21 | |
Alge Crumpler |
13 | |
Adam Vinatieri |
7 | |
Giants |
18 |
| 
83
Boston
Lagers | Pts | |
Jeff Garcia |
24 | |
Corey Dillon |
15 | |
Clinton Portis |
12 | |
Joe Horn |
17 | |
Derrick Mason |
16 | |
Peerless Price |
3 | |
Tony Gonzalez |
2 | |
Sebastian Janikowski |
12 | |
Falcons |
20 |
|
|
Toledo: The QB's Nightmare
TOLEDO, OH--Quarterbacks go into the Glass Bowl, but they don't come out. At least not with their starting jobs in tact.
For a second straight week, the Neanderthal held an opposing quarterback to negative numbers. Jake Delhomme completed just nine passes for less than one hundred yards. Toledo also picked off two of his errant tosses and racked up two sacks on the rookie.
"This was not what we had in mind to commemorate the death of Jack Tripper," sobbed Fifes GM Don Knotts.
"What's odd about that," Neanderthal coach Sam Rutigliano countered, "is this was exactly what we had in mind to commemorate the death of Jack Tripper."
35
Mayberry
Fifes | Pts | |
Jake Delhomme |
0* | |
Eddie George |
4 | |
Tiki Barber |
3 | |
Rod Gardner |
22 | |
Torry Holt |
16 | |
Corey Bradford |
4 | |
Bubba Franks |
3 | |
Olindo Mare |
3 | |
Buccaneers |
22 |
| 
95
Toledo
Neanderthal | Pts | |
Daunte Culpepper |
35 | |
Warrick Dunn |
12 | |
Duce Staley |
8 | |
Plaxico Burress |
21 | |
Marvin Harrison |
13 | |
Anquan Boldin |
12 | |
Randy McMichael |
10 | |
David Akers |
6 | |
Vikings |
20 |
|
*BFL rules do not allow for negative scoring. Jake Delhomme's actual score would have been -2. |
|
Jamal Lewis
Moose River Mounties
|
Week Two Team |
Pts | |
Daunte Culpepper, TOL |
35 | |
Jamal Lewis, MOOS |
45 | |
Priest Holmes, WV |
33 | |
Sue Jackson, WV |
29 | |
Sue Stallworth, WV |
27 |
Rod Gardner, MAY
Eric Moulds, BAK |
22 |
Alge Crumpler, WC
Shannon Sharpe, BAK |
13 | |
Jason Elam, CHAM |
14 | |
Patsies, MOOS |
40 |
|
Disappointments of the Week |
Eagles Defense
Chambersburg Chameleons
|
All-Dissappointment Team |
Pts | |
Jake Delhomme, MAY |
-2 | |
Tiki Barber, MAY |
3 | |
Eddie George, MAY |
4 | |
Koren Robinson, BAK |
0 | |
Tim Brown, CHAM |
1 | |
J.J. Stokes, MOOS |
1 |
Todd Heap, SIN
Doug Jolley, CHAM |
1 | |
Olindo Mare, MAY |
3 | |
Eagles, CHAM |
4 |
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