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Improvement! BEVERLY HILLS, CALIFORNIA--General manager Don Knotts's goal at the beginning of the season was simple. Three wins would be an improvment over last year and could be stamped "progress." Sadly, most people didn't expect the Fifes to achieve even that tiny goal. Sports Illustrated projected only one win for Mayberry. Even those who believed the Fifes could make it to three wins never expected them to come this fast. Which raises the question, what will Mayberry do for the next ten weeks? "I just don't believe it," Mennonites owner
The trade for Griese and the Buccaneers Defense has proven to be the difference maker for the team whose fans are already preparing for their first ever playoff appearance. However, the bandwagon may have hit a serious speedbump. Griese hurt his shoulder during the game and is questionable for this weekend at Toledo. As for the preseason favorite Mennonites, now mired at 1-2, already dispair has begun to loom over the locker room. One player was overheard blaming Jimmy Smith for not catching three touchdowns and 300 yards again this week. |
 Peerless Price Sin City Grifters First receiver in BFL history to record negative points.
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BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS--Boston denied the claims they were Peyton's boys, but the fear was still there. The question preyed upon their minds after losing despite a career best day from Peyton Manning, but Bill Walsh forced them to face the contraversy head on. He benched Manning. "We have amazing talent on this team, but people always want to snipe," Walsh told the press. "If Peyton's putting up great numbers, someone will say we can't win without him. If [Randy] Moss catches three touchdowns, they'll say we can't win without him. What does that mean?" Moss continued the idea, speaking in a jovial manner despite a disappointing day. "Hopefully, we won't have to find out what it's like to play without Peyton. People say we can't win without all the players we have, but that's the point of having great talent!" Jeff Blake led the Lagers to their second victory of the year and kept them atop the Williams Division. Walsh also benched the Titans Defense, allowing the Dolphins to dominate the Circus Bear receivers. As for Bakersfield, Terrell Davis sat out a second straight game despite reports he would play. Rumors continue to circulate that he is trying to force a trade back to the Grifters.
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MOOSE RIVER, CANADA--"Success is 90 percent preparation," Coach Mick Foley told his team after their victory, "and 50 percent perspiration and eight percent dumb luck and has a creamy filling which is really nothing but empty calories." Oddly enough, the Woodchucks used all 148% of that success to defeat the Mounties. Just before game time, Brett Conway told Foley he wouldn't be able to play. Actually, it was Ricky Watters who told Foley since Conway was unconscious and bleeding after being hit with a flaming 2x4 wrapped in barbed wire. Owner Brian Birch apologized for what he called a "spirit raising" exercise, and quickly called the BFL front office to sign a new kicker. "I didn't even realize there was football out here," Mike Husted explained. "I was out hunting with my uncle and dad and got lost in the woods. I've been wandering around the forest for the last three months." Husted was signed to a contract for the league minimum, "a trip back to civilization."
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LAS VEGAS, NEVADA--It seems the fans in Vegas see this all the time. They just wish it was the Grifters doing it. In four years, the Grifters' passing game has never achieved the heights East Coast demonstrated Sunday. Eric Moulds, Isaac Bruce, and Tim Brown combined for 4 touchdowns and 358 receiving yards. Normally, the Sin CIty passing game's weakness is bolstered by the strength of a relentless rushing attack, but the absense of Eddie George due to suspected pudding abuse and Fred Taylor's on-going injury problems, the Grifters' offense never showed up. The loss dropped Sin City to the bottom of the McKay Division. Coach Bruce Snyder tried to put a positive spin on the news, pointing out, "If we were in the Williams, we'd be a playoff team right now."
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