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The Big Show UNDA DA SEA--In an unexpected showdown between division rivals, Honolulu showed it's legitimacy, Waterworld showed Toledo to the top of the standings, and Kurt Warner showed he's not a robot afterall. The Headbangers, formerly the much-maligned Tangerine Tarpons, took a game and a half lead in the McKay Division with their fourth win. The fourth win also marked a team milestone as they have recorded more victories this season than in their entire 3-23 existance as the Tarpons.
"I think maybe we got spoiled," said Coach Sam Wyche. "Kurt[ Warner]'s not going to be able to throw five TDs a game. Biakabutuka won't be able to bust off 60 yard runs at will. Marvin [Harrison] isn't always going to be wide open. Our priority is winning when those opportunities don't present themselves." |
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BEVERLY HILLS, CALIFORNIA--Chalk up another injured quarterback for West Coast, which already had three on the injured list. Charlie Batch bruised his tricep during the game, losing all power in his throwing arm. Batch shouldn't need to be added to the growing casualty list in the BFL this season. He is expected to be recovered by Sunday. Dissidents coach Tom Landry could only wish Brett Favre lost all power in his throwing arm, it would have prevented him from throwing three interceptions. Favre's throws that didn't find Mennonite defensive backs never came close to Beijing's highly-praised receivers. The only silver lining to the cloud over Beijing's drop to the bottom of the Williams Division was the stellar play of running back Olandis Gary, a former Georgia Bulldog being compared to Terrell Davis.
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ATHENS, GREECE--Brad Johnson threw his first interception of the season and liked it so much he threw his second shortly thereafter. Both were returned by the Patriot defenders for touchdowns."I thought we were playing a one-and-four team," Johnson said following the game. "That was no one-and-four team." Bakersfield exploded on both sides of the ball, looking more (at last) like the Circus Bears of last season. Marshall Faulk rushed for 180 yards and a touchdown and broke the Circus Bears' season long press lockout. "Mmmm," said Faulk, "good puddin'."
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 Terry Glenn Sin City Grifters Blanketted by Neanderthal secondary, can't manage even one catch. Runners-up Brett Favre - Invokes negative scoring rule with 3 INTs on 7-23 throwing. Bills Defense - Run over by Jerome Bettis while Seashawks forced to watch from bench. Yancey Thigpen - Shut out by Mennonite DBs. Antonio Freeman - Week 5 Player of the Week catches only one pass. |
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BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS--After a three week drought, Mayberry's quarterback helped score some points. Now if they could talk to their running backs... In disarray while owner Chris "Hollywood" Holly plans his wedding, the Fife rushing attack has dried up. Receiver Ed McCaffrey, who scored two touchdowns, shook his head after the game. "We had everything clicking in the first game of the year. If we can just get back on the same page, we have some serious weapons that should pose a real threat down the stretch." One of those weapons, Mike Alstott, should be back in the lineup next week after taking the week off to plan Hollywood's bachelor party. Boston's victory reestablished them in the thick of the playoff hunt. Randy Moss's ten catches and touchdown rallied the team. "I think we're just finally coming to grips with the loss of Jamal [Anderson]," quarterback Drew Bledsoe explained. "We're finally ready to take that step that Boston has been waiting over a year for."
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