Week Seven

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Sexists Get Shanghai-ed

102 60 Woodchucks Mortal? ATHENS, GEORGIA--After their five game winning streak was broken last week, the Woodchucks have picked up a new streak. CFL veteran Doug Flutie overwhelmed Mick Foley's new defensive schemes to bring the War of the Rodents to a draw. "The only way this war can be settled is if we meet in the playoffs," Natrone Means said with a smile. The Waterworld locker room looked prepared for a playoff run as the players sprayed each other with Clamato juice (Kevin Costner could only afford champagne in the visiting owner's suite). "We're only half way through this season and we're only one game out of contention," Reidel Anthony reminded everyone. "We're in this until the end." Mick Foley was taken off the field on a stretcher after Flutie ran for a touchdown on third and goal. Foley applied the Mandible Claw to himself until he lost consciousness rather than watch his team lose. Waterworld Wombats Pts Athenian Woodchucks Pts Little Dougie Flutie 41 Tony Banks 17 Natrone Means 19 Duce Staley 9 Eddie George 10 Karim Abdul-Jabbar 7 Tony Martin 21 Chris Calloway 18 Reidel Anthony 11 Isaac Bruce 10 Jermaine Lewis 7 Mushin Muhammad 9 Chris Gedney 0 Damon Jones 0 Gary Anderson 13 Richie Cunningham 6 New Orleans Saints 16 New York Jets 20

Player of the Week Doug Flutie Waterworld Wombats Throws for a TD, runs for another to upset Athens. Runners-up Steve Young - Takes advantage of unwritten "Steve Young can't throw in INT rule" to score league record 78 points. Barry Sanders - Over 150 yards rushing, most came on one TD run which sealed the uspet win over Texas. Vinnie Testaverde - Throws 3 TDs and nearly 300 yards to help Toledo bounce back from last week's loss.

Week Seven Team Pts Steve Young, Bakersfield 78 Barry Sanders, Shanghai 26 Marshall Faulk, Bakersfield 24 Antonio Freeman, Toledo 28 J.J. Stokes, Tangerine 22 Tony Martin, Waterworld 21 Andrew Lloyd Glover, West Coast Frank Wychek, Texas 9 Gary Anderson, Waterworld Norm Johnson, Toledo 13 Steelers, Toledo 48 All-Dissappointment Team Pts Ryan Leaf, Tangerine 13 Antowain Smith, Boston 2 Adrain Murrell, Tangerine 0 Five Tied with 4 Darnay Scott, Boston 3 Michael Jackson, Tangerine 0 Chris Gedney, Waterworld Damon Jones, Athens Dave Moore, Shanghai 0 Adam Vinatieri, West Coast 2 Cardinals, Tangerine 49ers, Boston 2

125 6 Leaf Returns to Starting Lineup and to Form MESA, ARIZONA--Weeks of struggling to get their game going finally came to an end for the Neanderthal. Granted they were playing the Tarpons, but Vinnie Testaverde and the Steelers defensive unit played their best games of the year. The sliding Neanderthal did little to sell tickets for the Tarpons. The game was played before a Dobson High School Stadium record low crowd of one. The man was later identified as a homeless guy who slept beneath the bleachers the night before. Toledo Neanderthal Pts Tangerine Tarpons Pts Vinnie Testaverde 51 Ryan Leaf 13 Garrison Hearst 11 Emmitt Smith 7 Travis Jervey 8 Adrian Murrell 0 Antonio Freeman 28 J.J. Stokes 22 Terrance Mathis 4 Terry Glenn 4 Keyshawn Johnson 9 Michael Jackson 0 Mark Chmura 3 Ben Coates 4 Norm Johnson 13 Michael Husted 4 Pittsburgh Steelers 48 Arizona Cardinals 2

54 96 Boston Strugglers BEVERLY HILLS, CALIFORNIA--Bill Parcells postgame tirade of swearing was unfit to print. Roberts Edwards and Smith continue to make their case for surpassing Terrell Davis and Jamal Anderson as the most dangerous backfield combination in the BFL, rushing for a combined 210 yards and a touchdown. West Coast will need the running backs' success to continue if quarterback Chris Chandler's injuries prove to be serious. Chandler was taken out of the game early in the second half with a shattered wrist, a broken finger, three concussions, and a twisted ankle. Boston Slammin' Lagers Pts West Coast Mennonites Pts Drew Bledsoe 22 Chris Chandler 19 Corey Dillon 19 Robert Edwards 15 Antowain Smith 2 Robert Smith 21 Randy Moss 9 Cris Carter 18 Michael Irvin 9 Jerry Rice 8 Darnay Scott 3 Troy Brown 6 Cameron Cleeland 5 Andrew Lloyd Glover 9 Jason Hanson 9 Adam Vinatieri 2 San Francisco 49ers 2 Atlanta Falcons 24

Disappointment of the Week 49ers Defense Boston Slammin' Lagers Cannot stop Mennonite running game. Runners-up Ernie Mills - Promises to destroy Circus Bear secondary, sucks instead. Steve Young - Cheater, cheater, pants on fire...

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Bakersfield Cheats Best of Anyone