|
Woolfs Experience Sharpe Pain
CHARLESTON, WV--More than a year has passed, but the Woolfs remember it like it just happened. Peyton Manning throwing the ball constantly down the field and every ball seeming to fall gently into receivers' waiting hands. In the end, Manning had a new BFL quarterback scoring record and the Woolfs had their only loss in what would be an otherwise flawless season
Shannon Sharpe remembers that same feeling having played for West Virginia last season, but now he knows a little about how it feels to be on the other side of that equation. With 12 catches for 214 yards and two touchdowns, Sharpe shattered the tight end scoring record set by Tony Gonzalez just a month ago.
"Two years, two records," groaned Woolfs owner Rick Lord
142
|
Bakersfield Circus Bears | Pts | |
Peyton Manning |
30 | |
Marshall Faulk |
52 | |
Stephen Davis |
9 | |
Keenan McCardell |
7 | |
Qadry Ismail |
4 | |
Terry Glenn |
2 | |
Shannon Sharpe |
41 | |
Mike Hollis |
13 | |
Broncos |
8 |
| 
125
|
West Virginia Woolfs | Pts | |
Donovan McNabb |
16 | |
Priest Holmes |
38 | |
Ahman Green |
29 | |
David Boston |
13 | |
James McKnight |
5 | |
Johnnie Morton |
4 | |
Todd Heap |
18 | |
Ryan Longwell |
10 | |
Dolphins |
16 |
|
. "Two losses." Lord's team nearly saw a third record fall as Marshall Faulk threatened Shaun Alexander's running back record, but instead merely tied Fred Taylor's old mark of 52 poitns.
"We took the philosophy of shutting down the receivers and making Faulk beat us," new Woolfs coach John Cooper explained. The team did stop Bakersfield's three wideouts, but couldn't prevent Peyton Manning from finding Sharpe. "Those Wolveri--I mean Circus Bears won't stop us from getting to the national titl--I mean Bucco Bruce Bowl. I'm pretty sure I can beat them next year. It's not like there's some team out there who can just beat me all the time no matter the odds stacked against them. Besides, even if I can't beat them, it's not loke I'll get fired for it."
Cooper's team squandered six touchdowns from the rushing tandem of Priest Holmes and Ahman Green as well as a rock solid, two TD performance by tight end Todd Heap. Donovan McNabb, who sat out last week for reasons not fully explained, struggled to get back into the rhythm of the game, passing for less than 125 yards and stymied in his attempts to run. "Donovan looked like an MVP candidate for awhile there," conceded general manager Joe Gibbs. "After the last two games..." Gibbs neglected to finish his thought.
TD or Not TD?
BEVERLY HILLS--"What's the point of even having a box score if it doesn't mean anything?" Grifters' general manager Jake Bell shouted at the Mennonite scoreboard crew, peppering the question with a wide array of obscenities. Bell's team recorded a three point victory until the scoreboard operator suddenly remembered a third quarter Jerry Porter touchdown that hadn't been tallied. The official box score shows no record of the touchdown, but the referee Teddy Hamburglar agreed to the six point swing half an hour after the game ended.
Sin City's locker room celebration was stopped and the team was informed that instead of moving ahead of the Mennonites into second place, it had actually dropped behind the Circus Bears into fourth. League officials at that point confiscated all the champagne in the locker room and replaced it with warm cans of Old Milwaukee Light.
"Somewhere in the league office is someone who hates me so bad he can taste it," growled Bell. "There are porn actresses who don't get screwed as often as this team does."
In the Mennonite locker room, fully dressed players waired patiently, then erupted as the cases of Sin City's champagne was delivered to them. However, owner Greg Hulke refused to give credit for the win solely to the mysterious "unofficial" touchdown. "One great thing about playing against Sin City and Jake is that somewhere in the league office is someone who hates him so bad you can taste it," laughed Hulke. "There are porn actresses who don't get screwed as often as that team does."
79
Sin City
Grifters | Pts | |
Drew Bledsoe |
17 | |
Deuce McAllister |
26 | |
Edgerrin James |
22 | |
Randy Moss |
9 | |
Donald Driver |
6 | |
Kevin Johnson |
5 | |
Bubba Franks |
4 | |
Morton Andersen |
11 | |
Packers |
40 |
| 
82
West Coast
Mennonites | Pts | |
Trent Green |
17 | |
LaDainian Tomlinson |
33 | |
Lamar Smith |
2 | |
Eric Moulds |
16 | |
Jerry Porter |
15 | |
Rod Smith |
13 | |
Marcus Pollard |
15 | |
Jason Hanson |
12 | |
Steelers |
21 |
|
|
Farve and Away
NEWARK--East Coast owner (for now) Jack Sanders promised Shaun Alexander would run all over the Neanderthal the way he did just three weeks ago in setting a BFL record for running backs. That prediction fell short, with Alexander managing just 30 yards on the ground, but the Buccaneer defense ran over Brett Favre instead, deciding the game.
Toledo looked well on its way to avenging the week four loss to the Killah Bees when Favre was sacked and twisted his knee. X-rays showed nothing was broken, but Favre was held out of the rest of the game and expects to miss the upcoming West Coast matchup.
As the Neanderthal quarterback was carried away, the Killah Bees quarterback carried his team. Aaron Brooks threw three touchdowns and rushed for another, accounting for more than half the team's point total and inspiringing one group of prisoners to attempt escape amidst the chaos of post game celebration.
"I guess there's some consolation in knowing we're still only a game out of hosting a playoff game, but 2-5 isn't quite where we were hoping to be," shrugged Neanderthal coach Sam Rutigliano.
Owner Judge Gene Bell watch the debacle from a luxury suite paid for by cartons of cigarettes, but was made to seve as a spotter for watchtower guards shooting at the aforementioned escapees.
62
Toledo
Neanderthal | Pts | |
Brett Favre |
12 | |
Curtis Martin |
18 | |
Jonathan Wells |
4 | |
Jerry Rice |
20 | |
Marvin Harrison |
13 | |
Plaxico Burress |
11 | |
Chad Lewis |
0 | |
Jose Cortez |
10 | |
Rams |
26 |
| 
85
East Coast
Killah Bees | Pts | |
Aaron Brooks |
49 | |
Ricky Williams |
11 | |
Shaun Alexander |
5 | |
Jimmy Smith |
11 | |
Marty Booker |
7 | |
Torry Holt |
7 | |
Tony Gonzalez |
8 | |
Jason Elam |
13 | |
Buccaneers |
26 |
|
|
Mare Slacks Off
MAYBERRY--Olindo Mare scored a mere five points, making him the only Prairiedog not to notch double figure scoring Sunday against the Fifes. "That's a real shame," sighed Mayberry quarterback Brad Johnson between fits of coughing blood. "When everyone else is obviosly putting forth so much effort, to have a guy just riding their coat tails is a disgrace." Johnson was admitted to an emergency roomwith broken ribs minutes later.
"I don't want to point any fingers," Rich Gannon said following his three touchdown, 361 yard passing performance that thrust him to the top of the MVP ballot, "but when you've got me and two of my receivers making the All-Week Seven team and somebody seems to think a field goal and a PAT is enough, something needs to be done."
"There was a point when they got up by 90 or so points," described Fife head coach Vince Dooley, "when we started to worry they might call off the dogs, but if there's one thing that team knows how to do it's kick you when you're down." Dooley pointed out the irony of that statement considering the Prairiedogs kicker was such a source of shame for the team. Prairiedog management implied the team might not even be able to show its collective face in Pueblo if Mare kept this up and opened the doors to consider new venues of play.
156
Pueblo
Prairiedogs | Pts | |
Rich Gannon |
59 | |
Duce Staley |
17 | |
Charlie Garner |
14 | |
Joe Horn |
27 | |
Hines Ward |
22 | |
Terrell Owens |
14 | |
Randy McMichael |
11 | |
Olindo Mare |
5 | |
Eagles |
34 |
| 
34
Mayberry
Fifes | Pts | |
Brad Johnson |
10 | |
Clinton Portis |
13 | |
Anthony Thomas |
12 | |
Tim Brown |
12 | |
Curtis Conway |
8 | |
Keyshawn Johnson |
5 | |
Eric Johnson |
3 | |
Martin Gramatica |
5 | |
Chargers |
13 |
|
|
Are You Reading This?
BOSTON--The Mounties played the Lagers. A couple guys put up good numbers, but not many. Fred Taylor must actually be healthy for a change. Corey Bradford caught two touchdowns, but those were the only passes he caught. Troy Brown didn't even play. If I was Ed McCaffrey, I'd be angry too.
If you think I'm going to put more effort into writing a wrap up of this game than Brian Finneran put into winning it, guess again.
66
Moose River
Mounties | Pts | |
Joey Harrington |
8 | |
Fred Taylor |
32 | |
Jamal Lewis |
9 | |
Joey Galloway |
5 | |
Peerless Price |
5 | |
"Angry Ed" McCaffrey |
1 | |
Ricky Dudley |
2 | |
John Carney |
12 | |
Colts |
6 |
| 
79
Boston
Lagers | Pts | |
Jeff Garcia |
25 | |
Jerome Bettis |
16 | |
Kevin Barlow |
7 | |
Corey Bradford |
21 | |
Troy Brown |
0 | |
Brian Finneran |
0 | |
Byron Chamberlain |
8 | |
David Akers |
8 | |
Bears |
8 |
|
|
|
Shannon Sharpe
Bakersfield Circus Bears
|
Week Seven Team |
Pts | |
Rich Gannon, PBLO |
59 | |
Marshall Faulk, BAK |
52 | |
Priest Holmes, WV |
38 | |
Joe Horn, PBLO |
27 | |
Hines Ward, PBLO |
22 | |
Corey Bradford, BOS |
21 | |
Shannon Sharpe, BAK |
41 |
Jason Elam, EAST
Mike Hollis, BAK |
12 | |
Packers, SIN |
40 |
|
Disappointment of the Week |
Randy Moss
Sin City Grifters
|
All-Dissappointment Team |
Pts | |
Joey Harrington, MOOS |
8 | |
Lamar Smith, WC |
2 | |
Jonathan Wells, TOL |
4 | |
Troy Brown, BOS |
0 | |
Brian Finneran, BOS |
0 | |
"Angry Ed" McCaffrey |
1 | |
Chad Lewis, TOL |
0 |
Martin Gramatica, MAY
Olindo Mare, PBLO |
5 | |
Colts, MOOS |
6 |
|
