Standings

Grifters Give New Owner a Win LAS VEGAS--Jack Sanders might have been saddened seeing his former BFL team beaten... if it hadn't fallen to his new BFL team. In the hours leading up to Monday night's match up, rumors began to circulate and were eventually confirmed when Sanders, still 95 East Coast Killah Bees Pts Aaron Brooks 24 Shaun Alexander 25 Ricky Williams 19 Terrell Owens 14 Marty Booker 9 Jerry Rice 6 Billy Miller 4 John Carney 4 Dolphins 3 102 Sin City Grifters Pts Steve McNair 32 Deuce McAllister 19 Edgerrin James 13 Chad Johnson 19 Donald Driver 3 Marc Boerigter 2 Todd Heap 10 Jeff Wilkins 7 Ravens 10 imprisoned, purchased the Sin City Grifters from the Fazoli family. The team received the news minutes before hitting the field, but seemed to take the new ownership in stride. "When you hear something like that at the last minute," explained Grifters quarterback Steve McNair, "so many questions start to run through your head and you have to just shut it down and concentrate on the game." Concentration seemed easier for some than others. Receiver Donald Driver, the Grifters' first overall pick in the draft, was distracted while going for a pass across the middle and was dumped on his head by linebacker Zach Thomas. Driver was pronounced dead and taken to a Vegas area morgue. "When Donald died like that, it made you really think," sighed kicker Jeff Wilkins. "I'm going to kick my very best every time I go out there because you never know which play is going to be your last. Every field goal this season is dedicated to Donald." Despite the loss of Driver and offensive coordinator Brian Billick's foolhardy decision to start white guy Marc Boerigter over rookie Charles Rogers, McNair outplayed counterpart Aaron Brooks, who'd questioned the Grifters decision to draft McNair ahead of himself last week. New Division Rivalrys MOOSE RIVER--After five straight years in the Williams Division, the Mennonites returned to the McKay... and may want to go back. The Mounties, panned by most preseason analysts, easily contained LaDainian Tomlinson on the way to what most would consider an upset. Overall number one pick Randy Moss proved his general manager's acumen by forging an immediate chemisty with quarterback Trent Green, catching nine passes for 150 yards and a touchdown. "Mr. Palpatine put a lot of faith in me," Moss said, "and I intend to reward him for his faith." Moss then dismissed reporters saying, "You have no more questions. These are not the droids you are looking for." 84 West Coast Mennonites Pts Drew Bledsoe 20 Stephen Davis 12 LaDainian Tomlinson 9 Hines Ward 28 Amani Toomer 8 Jerry Porter 1 Alge Crumpler 18 Adam Vinatieri 0 Redskins 17 111 Moose River Mounties Pts Trent Green 28 Fred Taylor 15 Emmitt Smith 8 Randy Moss 25 Joey Galloway 23 J.J. Stokes 8 Freddie Jones 16 Joe Nedney 5 Patriots 12 Garcia's Back BAKERSFIELD, VT--Jeff Garcia's back for another year in Boston and out to prove his back shouldn't have allowed any preseason predictions to discount the Lagers. Garcia easily outplayed Peyton Manning, putting to rest any questions about the legitimacy of Boston's championship dreams. "I feel great," Garcia told reporters. "My back doesn't hurt at all. In fact, with all the drugs I've had shot into it, I can't feel anything from my armpits to my butt crack." Garcia illustrated this by jabbing his ribs repeatedly with a fork. Following the game, much of the buzz around the Circus Bears was whether coach Steve Young might be on the hotseat after failing to get the ball to Marshall Faulk and entering the game with an obviously faulty gameplan. 118 Boston Lagers Pts Jeff Garcia 32 Clinton Portis 31 Corey Dillon 6 Derrick Mason 22 Joe Horn 18 David Boston 3 Tony Gonzalez 3 Sebastian Janikowski 10 Falcons 19 59 Bakersfield Circus Bears Pts Peyton Manning 17 Marshall Faulk 10 Curtis Martin 6 Isaac Bruce 16 Koren Robinson 13 Eric Moulds 9 Shannon Sharpe 2 Martin Gramatica 5 Raiders 7 Champs Keep Rolling CHAMBERSBURG, PA--Rich Gannon missed out on a controversial MVP award last year, but quickly began building his case for the honor this year. Expected to back up Michael Vick and possibly serve as trade bait this season, Gannon gave coaches something to consider before taking the veteran out from under center. "Every year everyone predicts this is the year the wheels fall off and every year Rich proves them wrong," coach John Elway smiled. "There's no reason for us to want to lose him so you can throw some water on that fire." The Fifes wish their quarterbacking situation was as stable after Kurt Warner fumbled the ball five times, losing three of them. It was later revealed Warner suffered a concussion on the game's opening drive and doctors are ordering him to sit out next week in Toledo. 86 Mayberry Fifes Pts Kurt Warner 29 Tiki Barber 14 Eddie George 8 Torry Holt 21 Rod Gardner 7 Wayne Chrebet 6 Bubba Franks 6 Olindo Mare 2 Buccaneers 31 92 Chambersburg Chameleons Pts Rich Gannon 37 Charlie Garner 24 Garrison Hearst 22 Keyshawn Johnson 11 Rod Smith 9 Eddie Kennison 8 Daniel Graham 1 Jason Elam 11 Eagles 7 Rushers Save Brady TOLEDO, OH--Ahman Green may not have bought a house in Toledo, but he certainly looked at home in the Glass Bowl. While most experts tabbed Green to be wearing a Neanderthal uniform this season, the team surprised everyone, taking Daunte Culpepper instead with the fourth overall pick. While Culpepper didn't disappoint, Green and fellow rusher Priest Holmes made a case for the importance of a strong running game, winning despite four interceptions by Woolfs quarterback Tom Brady. "Man, with those two guys behind me," Brady sighed, "I didn't expect to have to actually throw the ball. If I'd known they expected me to do anything other than hand off, I probably would have warmed up my arm or something." Neanderthal ownership denies already courting trade offers for Marvin Harrison and Plaxico Burress as early as the third quarter. 81 West Virginia Woolfs Pts Tom Brady 0* Priest Holmes 33 Ahman Green 25 Donté Stallworth 14 Laveranues Coles 12 Darrell Jackson 6 Marcus Pollard 4 Jay Feely 9 Panthers 18 49 Toledo Neanderthal Pts Daunte Culpepper 26 Warrick Dunn 13 Antowain Smith 1 Plaxico Burress 13 Marvin Harrison 11 Troy Brown 1 Randy McMichael 2 David Akers 0 Steelers 22 *BFL rules do not allow for negative scoring. Tom Brady's actual score would have been -6.

Player of the Week Priest Holmes West Virginia Woolfs Week One Team Pts Rich Gannon, CHAM 37 Priest Holmes, WV 33 Clinton Portis, BOS 31 Hines Ward, WC 28 Randy Moss, MOOS 25 Derrick Mason, BOS 22 Alge Crumpler, WC 18 Jason Elam, CHAM 11 Buccaneers, MAY 31 Disappointments of the Week Tom Brady West Virginia Woolfs All-Dissappointment Team Pts Tom Brady, WV -6 Antowain Smith, TOL 1 Corey Dillon, BOS Curtis Martin, BAK 6 Troy Brown, TOL 1 Jerry Porter, WV 1 Marc Boerigter, SIN 2 Daniel Graham, CHAM 1 David Akers, TOL Adam Vinatieri, WC 0 Dolphins, EAST 3