Week Nine

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Grifters Latest to be Surprised

85 112 Deion Makes Good on Guarantee BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS--Bill Parcells's jaw was set stoically. Had his cornerback dommed them from the start? Deion Sanders had provided the ultimate bulletin board material, guaranteeing a win over Bakersfield. The Bears were coming off a suprising loss to Shanghai, as if they needed more motivation, and laughed at Sanders claim they would go 2-0 against Bakersfield. The score remained close until the man who spoke up crossed the goal line. Sanders returned a punt 69 yards for a touchdown, blowing the game open. Later in the game, Sanders intercepted Steve Young to seal the win. The Bears, coming off a prison stint, were looking to boost their "family friendly" image. Joining Arizona Rattlers players was Arizona resident Bil Keane, creator of Family Circus. Keane sat in the visiting owners' box with Robb Baker. Rumors Keane wishes to get ivolved in BFL ownership are unconfirmed. Bakersfield Circus Bears Pts Boston Slammin' Lagers Pts Steve Young 38 Drew Bledsoe 44 Eddie George 23 Ricky Watters 24 Marshall Faulk 18 Antowain Smith 5 Tony Martin 15 Michael Irvin 11 Raghib Ismail 12 Marvin Harrison 7 Carl Pickens 11 Randy Moss 5 Shannon Sharpe 5 Cameron Cleeland 13 Greg Davis 7 Jason Hanson 11 New England Patsies 11 Dallas Cowboys 44

Player of the Week Cowboys Defense Boston Slammin' Lagers Deion Sanders talks the talk, then walks the walk with a TD and an INT. Runners-up Jamal Anderson - 3 TDs, 170 yards, but no support from receivers. Charles Johnson - 3 TDs, 2 2-point conversions in upset of Grifters. Tony Banks - Marshalls win over Sexists, completing 23 passes. Fred Taylor - Nearly leads upset of Neanderthal, despite not having a QB.

Week Nine Team Pts Drew Bledsoe, Boston 44 Jamal Anderson, Sin City 39 Fred Taylor, Tangerine 28 Charles Johnson, Shanghai 39 Antonio Freeman, Toledo 35 Courtney Hawkins, Texas 29 Ben Coates, Sin City 23 Morton Andersen, Tangerine 14 Cowboys, Boston 44 All-Dissappointment Team Pts Ryan Leaf, Tangerine 0 Jerome Bettis, Texas 2 Priest Holmes, Tangerine 2 Keyshawn Johnson, Toledo 1 Terry Glenn, Tangerine 0 Andre Rison, Sin City 0 Dave Moore, Shanghai 0 Jake Bell, Sin City 0 Steelers, Toledo 6

75 82 The Upsets Keep Coming BENEATH THE SEA--The debut of Stade Atlantis, the new home of the Waterworld Wombats, hosted a Wombat win. Though Kevin Costner's team was the underdog going into the game, a new kind of homefield advantage was discovered by the Sexists. Jerome Bettis, who was present at the debut of the floating Coca-Cola stadium last season, took back some of his comments about the old arena. "When I said that was the worst stadium ever, I never could have imagined something like this." Bettis and Curtis Martin were unable to muster more than 65 yards of rushing in the oppressive environment of Stade Atlantis. In a phenomenon the opposite of Denver's Mile High Stadium, the air pressure of Stade Atlantis is so heavy, running across the field is like swimming through water. Waterworld's win, combined with Boston's victory over Bakersfield creates a three-way tie for third place in the McKay Division. Texas Sexists Pts Waterworld Wombats Pts Flavor Favre 37 Tony Banks 39 Curtis Martin 6 Touchdown Tommy Vardell 7 Jerome Bettis 2 Gary Brown 5 Courtney Hawkins 29 Reidel Anthony 15 Terrell Owens 6 Mike Pritchard 11 Rod Smith 2 Jermaine Lewis 10 Frank Wychek 5 Christian Fauria 7 Jason Elam 9 Gary Anderson 7 Green Bay Packers 19 New Orleans Saints 19

96 92 Rest in Peace ATHENS, GEORGIA--Introductions for this game took 20 minutes alone. Pyrotechnics, creepy organ music, and lightning bolts accompanied both teams onto the field in what would be the last game in the BFL for one of the coaches. Both Mick Foley and the Undertaker had agree to a "loser leaves town" stipulation added on Friday. Both teams struggled for superiority and some expected a tie to be the final result, but in the end the Mennonites squeezed out a four point edge which the Woodchucks could not overcome. Oddly enough, John Elway and the Mennonites had the ball on the Mennonite 4-yard line, but chose to take a knee rather than try to pound it into the endzone with 7 seconds left. Leaving the field, Elway avoided Foley. West Coast Mennonites Pts Athenian Woodchucks Pts Chris Chandler 29 John Elway 32 Robert Smith 16 Karim Abdul-Jabbar 17 Robert Edwards 16 Fred Lane 13 Jerry Rice 17 Ed McCaffrey 22 Jimmy Smith 16 Chris Calloway 11 Cris Carter 2 Mushin Muhammad 10 Andrew Lloyd Glover 5 Troy Drayton 2 Adam Vinatieri 3 Mike Vanderjagt 5 Atlanta Falcons 20 Denver Broncos 8

Disappointment of the Week Grifter Receivers Sin City Grifters 4 catches between all 3 of them... pathetic. Runners-up Ryan Leaf - The second time in history a team has been forced to play without a QB as Leaf fails to show up for a game his team almost won nonetheless. Steeler Defense - Cannot contain QB-less Tarpons offense, gets only 6 points. Jerome Bettis - 20 yards rushing... didn't this guy used to be good?

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What a Difference a Coach Can Make...