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Welcome Back to Reality BEVERLY HILLS, CALIFORNIA--Last week, the Mennonites taught the Headbangers a lesson about claims to greatness. Sunday afternoon, the Neanderthal returned the lesson. Toledo has made the playoffs twice, just like the Mennonites. In fact, the Mennonites had to go through the Neanderthal to get to the Bucco Bruce Bowl last season, adding an element of revenge to the game which hadn't been mentioned. "We wanted to beat them because they were the next opponent," Jerome Bettis said. "It doesn't matter who they were, we're here to win a championship and that doesn't have anything to do with getting revenge for stuff from last year." Bettis was with Texas last season though. In fact, none of the players who took the field for Toledo
Troy Aikman made his first start at quarterback for the Neanderthal since coming over in a trade with Mayberry. Aikman admitted to still learning the Neanderthal plays, but his job became much easier thanks to Michael Westbrook, who scored 2 touchdowns on his eight catches. The second of Westbrook's touchdowns spurred the anger of Mennonites defensive back Ray Buchanan, who harkened back to the days of defensive coordinator The Undertaker and grabbed Westbrook about the waist, executing a belly-to-back suplex. Westbrook tried to fight back, using the martial arts training that made him (in)famous when he beat up Stephen Davis during training camp in 1998. Davis reportedly offered to pay any fines Buchanan may be handed down by the BFL front office. |
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BAKERSFIELD, VERMONT--On the bright side, Bakersfield was 1-3 after four weeks last season too. The Circus Bears went on to have the best record in the McKay Division. On the darker side, Steve Young and Rob Moore were healthy and the bench was deep with talent. Bakersfield is grasping for any fingerhold they can find to slow their decent in the McKay ranks. Stoney Case made his second start in place of Young, but could only find Eric Moulds in the end zone. On the other side of the ball, Randy Moss and Drew Bledsoe finally got in sync, connecting for two touchdowns in the first quarter. The Lagers appear to be overcoming the loss of Jamal Anderson. Both Curtis Martin and Charlie Garner scored a touchdown and combined for over 150 yards rushing. "Obviously," Garner said, "you don't just 'replace' a guy like Jamal. All we can do is run hard and hope the passing game can take a little pressure off us and give us somewhere to run."
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BEIJING, CHINA--For the second straight week, a Dissident running back didn't even bother to show up. Last time, Emmitt Smith stayed home; this week, it was Ron Rivers. On the other side of the field, Fred Taylor went out of the game after reinjuring his hamstring. With a shortness of runners, each team turned to its passing game to put points on the board. Seven touchdowns were scored through the air in a back and forth contest that ultimately saw Honolulu chalk up their second win, tying the franchise record for most wins in a season. "Of course I'm disappointed," said Curtis Conway, who scored two touchdowns late in the game. "They couldn't stop our receivers, but still we couldn't put up points fast enough to keep up."
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 Kordell Stewart Mayberry Fifes Still unfamiliar with JoePa's playbook, but improving. Runners-up Titans Defense - Buccaneers' backups barely burden Brunell's boys. Mark Brunell - Grifter captain's statistical woes continue with sub-100 yard passing day. Marshall Faulk - Struggles for 30 yards rushing, doesn't make it. |
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ATHENS, GREECE--While the trade for Kordell Stewart is bringing some heat down on GM Don Knotts, the trade for Keyshawn Johnson starts the healing process. Stewart continues to struggle, but has shown marked improvement in Joe Paterno's system. "Honestly," JoePa said, "it's a different system than we ran with Aikman because he didn't have the mobility of Kordell." Paterno instituted an option system, taking advantage of Stewart's ability to run, allowing the quarterback to out rush running back Mike Alstott. While Kordell's passing stats pale in comparison to his running, he is improving there as well, due in large part to the addition of Keyshawn Johnson to the lineup. For the Woodchucks, Brad Johnson nearly won the game singlehandedly. With little help from any other Athenian players, Johnson threw for 337 yards and four touchdowns. "When Randall Cunningham came in," Johnson told reporters, "no one thought I had a chance to be the starter. I never gave up hope and just kept bringing my A game." The results are showing how foolish anyone would be to think Randall Cunningham would be a better longterm starter than Brad Johnson.
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