 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
| ||
| ||
| ||
| ||
| ||
| ||
| ||
| ||
| ||
|
When Marshall Faulk reminded Manning there was no preseason in the BFL, the quarterback's jaw dropped and his eyes darted back and forth in panic before
 92
|  113
|
Manning's four touchdown passes tripled his season total following the first three games. More importantly, though, the win put Bakersfield atop the Williams Division, sending Athens to its second straight loss and a three way tie for second place. "We showed a lot of promise at the beginning of the preseason, but these last two games have been quite a let down," shrugged running back Curtis Martin. "Once the regular season starts--what?"
Martin then admitted he knew there was no preseason, but "You accept that as an excuse from Manning. What do you want me to say? That we choked? That we got lucky for the first two weeks and if we were in the McKay Division I'd probably be on the trade block but the biggest advantage we have in this division is no one's really very good? Well, I'm not going to say--hey, is that a microphone?"
How Martin overlooked the fifteen microphones held by members of the press is still unclear.
|
"Dave's Devil Ale has to win," demanded wide receiver Terrell Owens, on his way to an eleven catch day. "[Quarterback Ben] Roethlisberger's drank some on Tuesday and said he couldn't see how it could lose. Or maybe he just said he couldn't see..." Roethlisberger was inactive for the game, listed on the injury report as suffering "hysterical blindness and liver failure." While the Darling's White Lightning sent three of the judges into borderline comas, Seaside did, in fact, win the day. Ultimately, the loss was attributed to Priest Holmes, who'd failed to provide a high enough quality mash for the still. "This is the first I've heard anything about having to get--what is it called? Mash?" Holmes shrugged. Wayne Fontes, who'd been entrusted with providing the mash originally, but said Holmes insisted on taking the job, ducked behind a laundry hamper. "This is perhaps the proudest moment in our franchise's history," gushed general manager Billy Dee Williams, attaching an IV of the Darling's shine directly to a vein in his leg. "I can't imagine what could make this day any better. We had a goal in mind, and we achieved that goal. I'm very proud of this team. Incidentally, the Squid won the football game as well.
"Why are we only counting regular season wins?" Michael Moore asked. "Since I took over this perenial underachiever, we have yet to lose and have to be favored to be the first team ever to win back to back championships." Defensive lineman Calvin Pace, credited with one and a half sacks and a fumble recovery as part of a dominant defensive performance, ducked his head into the press room to see if anyone wanted to interview him or any other players, but Moore commanded the spotlight a little longer by implying he might leave the Woolfs in light of the opportunity to make another film. "I know funny," Moore declared. "Have you seen Canadian Bacon? I'm telling you, the idea of a documentary about David Beckham coaching football... but being a soccer player... because soccer is called 'football' in other countries... that's just hilarious. And ripe with top notch material."
| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
"What was your question?" coach Mike Ditka growled smuggly to reporters. "My Bucco Bruce Bowl ring must have been stuck in my ear." The last time the Mennonites won, they lofted the Culverhouse Cup after beating Bakersfield in Bucco Bruce Bowl VII in 2003. Management has yet to surrender the trophy to West Virginia, the new defending champs. "We earned that trophy," Ditka insisted. "What other team's been to four championship games? That's what I thought so shut up and avert your eyes when the best team in BFL history walks by!" Toledo receivers Darrell Jackson and Deion Branch, who played for West Coast in 2003, shook their heads as they watched their former coach and teammates slow decent into madness during and after the 27-point Neanderthal victory. "Coach Ditka was like a father to me," Branch lamented. "LaDainian Tomlinson and DeShaun Foster are like my brothers. It just hurts me to see that glassy stare they have." "But better them than us," Jackson interjected. "Oh, right," Branch agreed. "It hurts, but no way I'd trade places with those suckers."
| The Grifters got a series of solid performances from individuals, but none could outshine the record book worthy days record by Mountie receiver Plaxico Burress and kicker Neil Rackers. "I decided to try catching the ball when it was thrown to me," Burress explained of the new strategy that resulted in 200 receiving yards and two touchdowns. "I also made every effort to run toward the end zone when I caught the ball. I'm very happy with the results and plan to keep it up." The Mounties first win lifted them out of the McKay Division cellar. Both the Grifters and Mounties have just one win in the first four games, but Moose River gets the tie breaker edge due to the head-to-head victory.
|
|
|
Neil Rackers
Moose River Mounties
| Week Four Team | |
| Peyton Manning, BAK | |
| LaDainian Tomlinson, WCST | |
| Lamont Jordan, MOOS | |
| Plaxico Burress, MOOS | |
| Marvin Harrison, SIN | |
| Terrell Owens, SEA | |
| L.J. Smith, WCST | |
| Neil Rackers, MOOS | |
| Cardinals, WV |
|
|
Greg Hulke
West Coast Mennonites
| All-Dissappointment Team | |
| Kerry Collins, WCST | |
| Fred Taylor, MAY | |
| Carriage Williams, WCST | |
| Brandon Stokley, BAK | |
|
Deion Branch, TOL Michael Jenkins, WCST | |
| Ashley Lelie, WCST | |
| Ernie Conwell, CAR | |
|
Rian Lindell, WV Ryan Longwell, ATH | |
| Redskins, CAR |