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Red Hot Poker 100 FATHOMS DOWN--A last minute defensive switch did nothing to help the Mennonites slow the offensive freight train of Waterworld. Just before game time, general manager Greg Hulke revealed the secret signing of the Colts defense. Hulke also pulled a bait-and-switch with runningback Natrone Means and Terry Kirby. To add to the deception, Bobby Engram and Cris Carter ran the same drills during pregame warmups to keep the Wombats guessing at which would start. "Who was coaching, Mike Ditka or Bret Maverick?" asked Coach Sam Wyche. "Luckily, we didn't care what hand he
Quarterback Kurt Warner, the leading candidate for league MVP, didn't agree completely with his coach. "If we're going to get some kind of nickname in the media, can it be something that doesn't involve the word 'flush'?" The win put Waterworld atop the Williams division by virtue of points. Four teams are tied for first place with records of three wins and two losses. |
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BEIJING, CHINA--Gary Anderson and Ryan Longwell gave a demonstration to all the youngsters out there about how to become a professional football player. Why bother lifting all those weights and doing all that running when you can be a kicker? Anderson's seventeen point performance was matched at every step by Longwell's. Between the nine field goals and three extra-points, the men drank Gatorade and looked for recognizable faces in the crowd. "Sometimes I think I'd like to be a receiver," Longwell admits, "but then I see some of the hits they take going across the middle. If I want to make the big catches, I'll do it on Playstation." Not that the Dissidents need Longwell to play at receiver. The Beijing receiving corps is quickly becoming the best--if least known--in the game with consistantly high quality play from Yancey Thigpen, Raghib Ismail, and Curtis Conway.
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TOLEDO, OHIO--A return to its roots has brought Athens new success. The birthplace of democracy inspired Woodchucks GM Brian Birch to try a new system. "When a coach sends in a play, the players are expected to execute the play without question. The quarterback is sometimes given the option to change the play, but what kind of class system is this?" By eleminating all castes and going coach-less, the Woodchucks vote on which plays to run. The team is flagged for more delay-of-game penalties than the rest of the league combined, but the success of the system cannot be denied. "It's great to have a real, concrete say in how the team performs," said Woodchuck's receiver Ike Hilliard. Troy Edwards was also excited as he had recently purchased land, finally making himself eligible to vote.
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 Bubby Brister Mayberry Fifes Third straight week for a Fife QB! Runners-up Colts Defense - Wombat-stoppers overrrun early and often. Derrick Loville - Pulls a no-show for game against Boston. Jake Reed - Manages only one catch. |
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HONOLULU, HAWAII--Jake Plummer can thank one man for helping him quiet his critics. The maligned quarterback looks like he's back in the form that made him the number one pick, but that's what happens when one of your receivers catches four touchdowns. "Incredible. We could have put handcuffs on him and it wouldn't have stopped him," Fifes coach Joe Paterno said of Isaac Bruce, who outscored all of the Fife receivers combined. Bruce's contribution was needed due to an injury to Michael Irvin. Irvin was driven into the turf head first on his only catch of the day. He spent the night in a Honolulu hospital with swelling in the spinal column.
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