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Grifters Overcome Stacked Deck in Vegas

71 39 Mennonites Ascend to Top of Division TOLEDO, OH-- West Coast Mennonites Pts Toledo Neanderthal Pts Chris Chandler 27 Vinnie Testaverde 32 Robert Smith 11 Garrison Hearst 6 Robert Edwards 16 Napolean Kaufman 6 Cris Carter 15 Keyshawn Johnson 10 Jerry Rice 8 Antonio Freeman 6 Joey Galloway 8 Terrance Mathis 8 Andrew Lloyd Glover 1 Mark Chmura 3 Adam Vinatieri 13 John Kasay 3 Kansas City Chiefs 33 Indianapolis Colts 28

Player of the Week Cardinals Defense Tangerine Tarpons Modest stats are overshadowed by the fact they led the Tarpons to a new height--a win. Runners-up Kerry Collins - Throws 3 TD passes on short notice to replace suspended Mark Brunell. Bubby Brister - 4 TD passes against the fledgling Lagers isn't that big a deal, but the guys name is Bubby! C'mon give him a break and let him be a runner up. Randy Moss - 2 deep TD catches are almost enough to singlehandedly keep the Lagers in the game.

Week Five Team Pts Steve Young, Bakersfield 50 Terrell Davis, Sin City 28 Jamal Anderson, Sin City Curtis Martin, Texas 21 Randy Moss, Boston 32 Rod Smith, Texas 26 Mushin Muhammed, Athens 18 Shannon Sharpe, Bakersfield 15 Greg Davis, Bakersfield 14 Raiders, Mayberry 38 All-Dissappointment Team Pts Jeff George, Mayberry Warren Moon, Tangerine 0 Duce Staley, Athens 2 Ricky Watters, Boston 1 Reidel Anthony, Waterworld 0 Daniel O'Leary 0 Marcus Nash, Mayberry 0 Mike Pritchard, Waterworld 0 Andrew Lloyd Glover 1 John Kasay 3 49ers, Boston 2

93 68 Five and Oohhhh! BOSTON, MA-- Athenian Woodchucks Pts Boston Slammin' Lagers Pts Bubby Brister 46 Drew Bledsoe 24 Duce Staley 2 Antowain Smith 10 Karim Abdul-Jabbar 3 Ricky Watters 1 Mushin Muhammed 18 Randy Moss 32 Ed McCaffrey 12 Frank Sanders 17 Derrick Mayes 1 Marvin Harrison 5 Tony Gonzalez 4 Freddie Jones 2 Mike Vanderjagt 13 Jason Hanson 10 Denver Broncos 33 San Francisco 49ers 6

72 102 Bears Continue to Think They Are Good BAKERSFIELD, VT-- Waterworld Wombats Pts Bakersfield Circus Bears Pts Charlie Batch 45 Steve Young 50 Natrone Means 17 Marshall Faulk 17 Marc Edwards 12 Donnell Bennett 7 Tony Martin 14 Rob Moore 12 Reidel Anthony 0 Michael Westbrook 6 Mike Pritchard 0 Raghib Ismail 9 Chris Gedney 2 Shannon Sharpe 14 Gary Anderson 13 Greg Davis 14 New Orleans Saints 28 New England Patsies 31

Disappointment of the Week Flavor Favre Texas Sexists The BFL history of Favre has been losses despite stellar performances. This week, the opposite was true as his teammates did everything they could to help get the win, but came up short due to the QB's 3 INTs. Runners-up Duce Staley - Follows up last week's Player of the Week performance with -6 yards rushing. Dan O'Leary - Never even takes the field in Mayberry because he was too busy studying for an engineering midterm. Gets a D on the test.

By the Numbers 95 Difference in points earned by QBs in Circus Bears/Wombats game (95) and Tarpons/Fifes Game (0) 10-0 Woodchucks combined record through first five weeks in last two years. 2 Starts by Charlie Batch, most by a Wombat QB this year. -10 Total scoring by Tarpon QBs over last 3 weeks. 41.25 Brett Favre's average BFL score before this weekend.

21 8 The Less Said the Better MAYBERRY, NC--The Tarpons finally got a win, causing many in Vegas to sigh. Casinos had been posting 2-1 odds they wouldn't win all season. Said on gambler, "I had five dollars on them going winless. I could have really used that ten bucks." The Fifes--if that is in fact their real name--will probably be moving again, though receiver Dan O'Leary has announced his intentions to return to school. O'Leary is an engineering student at USC. Owner Chris Holly downplayed suggestions O'Leary was not a worth BFL player. "USC has a full and rich football history. We felt Dan O'Leary could be the next Keyshawn Johnson." Holly glossed over the fact O'Leary hadn't played football since junior high.   Tangerine Tarpons Pts Mayberry Fifes Pts Warren Moon 0 Jeff George 0 Emmitt Smith 18 Barry Sanders 5 Adrian Murrell 3 Tiki Barber 3 J.J. Stokes 14 Jake Reed 17 karl Williams 3 Marcus Nash 0 Ike Hilliard 1 Dan O'Leary 0 Ben Coates 12 Dave Moore 2 Michael Husted 8 John Hall 9 Arizona Cardinals 28 Oakland Raiders 38