|
Streak Ends in Vegas
LAS VEGAS--"Las Vegas is where winning streaks come to die," laughed quarterback Drew Bledsoe. "What? You think they built this city on giving away free money?" East Coast declared itself the "greatest team in BFL history," but according to Bledsoe, "Monday must have marked the end of recorded hostory as we know it." The corporate offices of A&E television, owners of The History Channel, scrambled to find a new gimmick for their airtime.
Bledsoe continued his MVP campaign
60
|
East Coast Killah Beess | Pts | |
Aaron Brooks |
20 | |
Ricky Williams |
11 | |
Troy Hambrick |
2 | |
Marty Booker |
27 | |
Jimmy Smith |
10 | |
Torry Holt |
5 | |
Freddie Jones |
10 | |
Jason Elam |
6 | |
Buccaneers |
44 |
| 
93
|
Sin City Grifters | Pts | |
Drew Bledsoe |
35 | |
Deuce McAllister |
29 | |
Edgerrin James |
15 | |
Donald Driver |
17 | |
Rod Gardner |
16 | |
Kevin Johnson |
6 | |
Bubba Franks |
7 | |
Morton Andersen |
12 | |
Packers |
31 |
|
with a solid showing, despite putting up the worst stats of the season thus far. "If this is Drew playing poorly," coach Marv Levy chuckled about Bledsoe's fifth 300-yard game, "I hope he really sucks in the Bucco Bruce Bowl."
In the opposing locker room, coach Leroy Hoard didn't have time to mourn the death of his undefeated season. "We have West Virginia coming into our house next week," Hoard reminded his team. "There's blood in the water because they know if they win they've got a share of the McKay lead."
The loss marks the eighth loss by a McKay division team in nine tries this year. East Coast edged out Pueblo in the season opener for the McKay's only interdivision victory. Popular opinion in the preseason indicated the McKay would be a power division with five championship contenders fighting over three playoff spots, but reality hasn't lived up to the hype.
Neanderthal Not Extinct
BOSTON--Driving in Boston can be maddening, but the Neanderthal have found a shortcut. In fact, the route they followed through Beantown took them from last place to a playoff spot in just sixty minutes.
Sam Rutigliano, just a week removed from his offer to resign as head coach of the Neanderthal, made Toledo fans happy his offer was rejected. "It took us four games to get on track," admitted runningback Corey Dillon, who rushed for two touchdowns and more than 160 yards, "but maybe this is why those pollsters named us a preseason number one."
Toledo has worn the albatross of that number one ranking all season. "We missed the playoffs last year, lost our franchise quarterback, and we're supposed to win a championship?" shrugs Rutigliano. Jeff Garcia, that franchise quarterback, however, hasn't done much to help his new team.
"Losing is like eating potato chips and masturbating," snickered an obviously delirious Garcia, "you try not to do it even one time, but next thing you know it's been five or thirteen."
155
Toledo
Neanderthal | Pts | |
Brett Favre |
48 | |
Corey Dillon |
37 | |
Michael Pittman |
8 | |
Marvin Harrison |
24 | |
Jerry Rice |
15 | |
Antonio Freeman |
11 | |
Chad Lewis |
15 | |
Jeff Wilkins |
7 | |
Saints |
16 |
| 
58
Boston
Lagers | Pts | |
Jeff Garcia |
33 | |
Kevin Barlow |
5 | |
Warrick Dunn |
3 | |
Andre Davis |
9 | |
Brian Finneran |
9 | |
Kevin Dyson |
5 | |
Tony Gonzalez |
5 | |
David Akers |
5 | |
Bears |
10 |
|
|
Gannon Fodder
BAKERSFIELD, VT--The most feared quarterback/runingback combo in the BFL could do nothing but watch from the sidelines as another pair tried to take that title. Peyton Manning, Marshall Faulk, and Stephen Davis's combined five touchdowns convinced Circus Bears owner Robb Baker his team would leave with a win, but proved no match for Rich Gannon, Charlie Garner, and Duce Staley.
Gannon has only played in two games, but is already getting MVP-hype for averaging 58 points per game in those starts. Gannon's four touchdowns gives him nine on the season, more than Brad Johnson or Jeff Garcia and ties him with Manning. The win is his twelveth straight as a starter, dating back to ten straight under center with the Woolfs last season.
"Not too bad for an old quarterback," smiled deposed starter Daunte Culpepper as he hid a tire iron in the back of his locker. "I just hope nothing tragic happens to his knees in a dark parking lot next Thursday at 9:45."
For the second straight week, the Prairiedogs also took the honor of being the highest scoring team in the league, moving them into the divisional lead by virtue of points over West Coast. "Not too bad for an old quarterback," smiled deposed head coach Mick Foley as he hid a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire under his desk. "I just hope nothing tragic happens to his skull as he's leaving his office Friday afternoon."
132
Pueblo
Prairiedogs | Pts | |
Rich Gannon |
53 | |
Charlie Garner |
33 | |
Duce Staley |
18 | |
Hines Ward |
16 | |
Terrell Owens |
12 | |
Joe Horn |
10 | |
Randy McMichael |
10 | |
Olindo Mare |
9 | |
Eagles |
7 |
| 
116
Bakersfield
Circus Bears | Pts | |
Peyton Manning |
35 | |
Stephen Davis |
22 | |
Marshall Faulk |
16 | |
Terry Glenn |
18 | |
Keenan McCardell |
11 | |
Qadry Ismail |
8 | |
Shannon Sharpe |
6 | |
Mike Hollis |
7 | |
Broncos |
29 |
|
|
Porter's House
BEVERLY HILLS--Names like Jerry Porter are the reason experts always underestimate theMennonites. Names like Jerry Porter are also the reason the Mennonites have never missed the playoffs.
Prior to Sunday's game, Mennonite general manager Greg Hulke predicted Porter would be a difference maker in his first BFL start, and Porter proved his boss right. With seven catches for nearly 120 yards and a touchdown, Porter overshadowed the likes of Eric Moulds and Rod Smith.
With starter Tom Brady benched, some expected Mike Ditka to emphasize the ground attack, but two fumbles by Lamar Smith and a stymied LaDainian Tomlinson allowed Trent Green to air out the ball to tune of almost 300 yard and two touchdowns.
Mayberry's loss leaves them mired alone in last place in the Williams Division. "If we were still in the McKay," groaned general manager Don Knotts, "we'd be a playoff lock. Instead of Anthony Thomas, we should have traded divisions."
65
Mayberry
Fifes | Pts | |
Brad Johnson |
18 | |
Anthony Thomas |
5 | |
Eddie George |
5 | |
Curtis Conway |
16 | |
James Thrash |
9 | |
Tim Brown |
7 | |
Eric Johnson |
3 | |
Martin Gramatica |
8 | |
Chargers |
11 |
| 
92
West Coast
Mennonites | Pts | |
Trent Green |
38 | |
LaDainian Tomlinson |
11 | |
Lamar Smith |
0* | |
Jerry Porter |
20 | |
Eric Moulds |
15 | |
Rod Smith |
11 | |
Marcus Pollard |
7 | |
Adam Vinatieri |
1 | |
Patsies |
6 |
*BFL rules do not allow for negative scoring. Lamar Smith's score would have been -2. |
|
Up a River...
CHARELSTON, WV--A quarterback change was expected to boost Moose River's offensive statistics. With Kurt Warner--who was averaging two interceptions a game--out with a broken finger, Jim Miller stepped in and threw three passes to the wrong jerseys.
"We drafted Jim Miller for a reason," assures Mounties head coach Jerry Glanville. "We knew all along there might be a chance something like this could happen and Jim Miller is exactly the man we want for the job." Glanville then cut the press conference short to meet with offensive coordinator Wayne Gretzky, newly acquired Trent Dilfer, and a Cliff's Notes version of the Moose River playbook.
West Virginia won for the first time within the friendly confines of the Woolf Den, playing so well at one point half the crowd actually turned their tension away from the NHRA sprint race going on around the stadium for a full quarter. "It's great to see that kind of fan support," said a monotone John Cooper, fresh off winning his coachig debut. "Great to see so many people cheering and, you know, whatever." Cooper then buried his nose in a copy of OHIO magazine and refused to answer any more questions until he completed the crossword puzzle.
27 Down was "John Glenn."
83
Moose River
Mounties | Pts | |
Jim Miller |
28 | |
Jamal Lewis |
21 | |
Fred Taylor |
9 | |
"Angry Ed" McCaffrey |
21 | |
Peerless Price |
21 | |
Antonio Bryant |
8 | |
Jeremy Shockey |
1 | |
Phil Dawson |
1 | |
Titans |
2 |
| 
179
West Virginia
Woolfs | Pts | |
Donovan McNabb |
47 | |
Priest Holmes |
41 | |
Ahman Green |
15 | |
David Patten |
25 | |
Amani Toomer |
19 | |
Chris Chambers |
16 | |
Todd Heap |
7 | |
Ryan Longwell |
11 | |
Ravens |
27 |
|
|
|
Corey Dillon
Toledo Neanderthal
|
Week Five Team |
Pts | |
Rich Gannon, PBLO |
53 | |
Priest Holmes, WV |
41 | |
Corey Dillon, TOL |
37 | |
Marty Booker, EAST |
27 | |
David Patten, WV |
25 | |
Marvin Harrison, TOL |
24 | |
Chad Lewis, TOL |
15 | |
Morton Andersen, SIN |
12 | |
Buccaneers, EAST |
44 |
|
Disappointment of the Week |
Torry Holt
East Coast Killah Bees
|
All-Dissappointment Team |
Pts | |
Brad Johnson, MAY |
18 | |
Lamar Smith, WC |
-2 | |
Troy Hambrick, EAST |
2 | |
Kevin Dyson, BOS |
5 | |
Torry Holt, EAST |
5 | |
Kevin Johnson, SIN |
6 | |
Jeremy Shockey, MOOS |
1 |
Phil Dawson, MOOS
Adam Vinatieri, WC |
1 | |
Titans, MOOS |
2 |
|
