|
Bakersfield's Hot Streak Continues
BOSTON--Peyton Manning was named the league's most valuable player three years ago while in Boston, and returning to Boston this week he demonstrated why he's the favorite to win it again. The Circus Bears won their fifth straight game on the arm of Manning who tossed three touchdowns,
107
|
Bakersfield Circus Bears | Pts | |
Peyton Manning |
47 | |
Travis Henry |
14 | |
Jerome Bettis |
1 | |
Reggie Wayne |
26 | |
Eric Moulds |
9 | |
Isaac Bruce |
7 | |
Shannon Sharpe |
3 | |
Martin Gramatica |
12 | |
Jets |
18 |
| 
72
|
Boston Lagers | Pts | |
Jeff Garcia |
25 | |
Clinton Portis |
15 | |
Corey Dillon |
0 | |
Jimmy Smith |
14 | |
David Boston |
10 | |
Derrick Mason |
4 | |
Tony Gonzalez |
16 | |
David Akers |
6 | |
Cowboys |
12 |
|
including two to Reggie Wayne.
"We're the hottest team in the league right now," Bakersfield owner Robert Baker insisted. When some players reminded him of Fun City's nine game winning streak dating back to last season, Baker refused their definition of "hottest."
"The Grift-Os are winning, but they're just cruising now while we're getting hotter with every win," Baker theorized. "That should make us hotter right? I mean, it's like a pot that's boiling and once it boils it plateaus or something and another pot of water can get hotter. Don't I have that right? I think I have some old paperwork from a high school chemistry class in my mom's garage I could show you."
Despite suffering their sixth loss of the season, Boston held on to the third playoff spot in the Williams by virtue of the points lead putting them at the head of a three way tie with Mayberry and Chambersburg. However, in light of a pregame car accident that left Corey Dillon unavailable to play, the team wasn't speaking much about their playoff hopes.
"We're just happy to hear Corey is safe and no one was hurt," coach Bill Cowher said, deflecting questions about his team's record. "That's what really matters right now."
"Especially when you're playing a team as hot as Bakersfield?" suggested Baker who had mysteriously snuck into the Lagers' locker room.
Curses!
BEVERLY HILLS--County health codes prevented the Killah Bees new majority owner from seeing his team in action, but it's probably for the best since he might not have liked what he saw.
Sir Edmond von Can-eater is a goat and was therefore banned from the Hollywood Bowl, prompting his handler, Desmond Beecher to place a curse on the Mennonite organization. However, Beecher, who holds a Master's degree in Public Relations from Louisiana State University and ran his own PR firm for five years admittedly has never dabbled in the dark arts and may have cursed the Mennonite religion or possibly the Knights of Columbus organization.
"I don't think you can blame my tenuous grip on voodoo for this loss," Beecher noted. "Our receivers inability to get open against a debilitated Buccaneers secondary has to shoulder some of the blame."
Beecher also noted the 178-yard, 2 TD performance of Mennonites running back Stephen Davis as a key element in the Killah Bees loss. Bakersfield owner Robert Baker pointed out he traded Stephen Davis, the week's hottest player to West Coast in the preseason, and felt his team should be credited with some of his residual "hotness."
57
East Coast
Killah Bees | Pts | |
Marc Bulger |
32 | |
Shaun Alexander |
24 | |
Ricky Williams |
9 | |
Terrell Owens |
9 | |
Kevin Johnson |
7 | |
Travis Taylor |
1 | |
Freddie Jones |
4 | |
John Kasay |
11 | |
Dolphins |
42 |
| 
64
West Coast
Mennonites | Pts | |
Drew Bledsoe |
10 | |
Stephen Davis |
31 | |
LaDainian Tomlinson |
28 | |
Chris Chambers |
15 | |
Amani Toomer |
9 | |
Tai Streets |
3 | |
Anthony Becht |
4 | |
Adam Vinatieri |
9 | |
Buccaneers |
40 |
|
|
Lousy Trade Sinks Fifes
MAYBERRY, NC--"The front office can say whatever it wants. They've given up!" An angry Eddie George had no problem sharing his opinions about this week's controversial three-way trade with West Coast and Fun City.
"If we'd had Torry Holt and the Bucs, we could have won this game. All week I've been hearing how the Vikings are one of the best defensive units in the league, but they sure didn't show it, did they?"
The Vikes, like so many other defenses in the past two seasons, were unable to stop Priest Holmes, who found the end zone three times. "Priest Holmes is one of the best rushers this league has ever seen," said Bakersfield owner Robert Baker, "but his former teammate Travis Henry, who was recently added to the Circus Bears is just as capable and another reason we are the hottest team in football right now."
Doing his best to ignore Baker, Fifes GM Don Knotts addressed George's comments. "We might have won with Holt and the Bucs," he conceded. "Then again, we also might have won any of our five other losses if he ran like he did today more than twice a season."
Baker was later locked out of the stadium when he went to go get a physics book from his car.
98
West Virginia
Woolfs | Pts | |
Donovan McNabb |
22 | |
Priest Holmes |
30 | |
Curtis Martin |
14 | |
Marvin Harrison |
14 | |
Darrell Jackson |
12 | |
Donté Stallworth |
0 | |
Dallas Clark |
0 | |
Mike Vanderjagt |
12 | |
Panthers |
24 |
| 
72
Mayberry
Fifes | Pts | |
Aaron Brooks |
25 | |
Eddie George |
23 | |
Tiki Barber |
21 | |
Hines Ward |
23 | |
Eric Parker |
3 | |
Corey Bradford |
1 | |
Christian Fauria |
0 | |
Billy Cundiff |
0 | |
Vikings |
6 |
|
|
Eight is Enough for Playoffs
LAS VEGAS--The best start to any BFL season won't end at week thirteen. With Sunday's win over Chambersburg, Fun City clinched a playoff berth, the earliest any team has ever secured itself a spot in the postseason.
"I'd be lying if I didn't say we were looking ahead to next week in Moose River," coach Marv Levy admitted. "That's a huge game and we had to make an effort not to ignore these guys who a few weeks proved to West Coast they're still the defending champs until someone else takes the trophy from them."
The Chameleons struggled under acting (and former) coach Mick Foley. Some threw their support behind Foley, while others vowed allegiance to John Elway. Quarterback Jon Kitna, one of the team's few bright points in the loss, is a Foley man. "Everyone needs to stop pining about the past and get focused on the here and now," he said. "Elway won a championship here last year, but he's 2-5 since then."
Runningback Amos Zereoue, who managed just six yards rushing, hopes his old coach will be gack on the sidelines this Sunday. "Coach Elway has dealt with the many roadbumps that come following a championship run as best he could and deserves a chance from fans to prove he can win in Chambersburg." Zereoue added the team was still tied for the third playoff spot and could make the postseason with just a single hot streak.
"Did somebody say hot streak?" asked Bakersfield owner Robert Baker, who asked Zereoue to compare and contrast the Grift-Os and Circus Bears after next week's game to give his opinions on which team is hotter right now.
47
Chambersburg
Chameleons | Pts | |
Jon Kitna |
35 | |
Garrison Hearst |
6 | |
Amos Zereoue |
2 | |
Keenan McCardell |
10 | |
Keyshawn Johnson |
7 | |
Rod Smith |
5 | |
Brandon Manumaleuna |
5 | |
Jason Elam |
6 | |
Titans |
20 |
| 
87
Fun City
Grift-Os | Pts | |
Steve McNair |
27 | |
Deuce McAllister |
15 | |
Edgerrin James |
11 | |
Chad Johnson |
16 | |
Santana Moss |
16 | |
Drew Bennett |
7 | |
Todd Heap |
6 | |
Jeff Wilkins |
9 | |
Ravens |
29 |
|
|
Mounting a Comeback
TOLEDO--Two straight losses in a thirteen game season is the molehill, but in the midst of the streak it can sometimes seem like climbing Mount Kilamanjaro (you thought I was going to say Everest didn't you?) The Mounties, however, never panicked as they slid back to reality and into reach of the other McKay contenders.
"Nobody's going to go 13-0," quarterback Trent Green shrugged. When one reporter pointed out the Mounties would be playing 8-0 Fun City this Monday, Green repeated, "No one is going to go 13-0."
"I have to agree," laughed Bakersfield owner Robert Baker. "Not even the hottest team in the league can go undefeated. In fact, the hottest team in the league isn't undefeated. It's 5-3 and on a five game winning streak!"
The Neanderthal defense fell apart, letting impressive performances by running backs Domanick Davis and Michael Pittman go to waste. "There was a time I would let something like that upset me," nodded owner Judge Bell. "Like in 2004. Anyone want to trade some draft picks for Plaxico Burress?"
Baker declined the offer to add Burress to his team, explaining he had Eric Moulds returning from injury with the promise of "making the hot Circus Bears even hotter." "Think about all those time Scottie Pippen was named NBA Player of the Week when Michael Jordan actually had better stats. That's like us being hotter than Fun City." Baker could not offer any dates when Pippen was named for the recognition with inferior stats, but that didn't prevent him from continuing.
"Okay, when the Bulls won 72 games, there were other teams during that season that the press called, 'the hottest team in basketball,' right?" When it was pointed out those teams generally would be dubbed that shortly after a Chicago loss, Baker bit his lower lip and finally offered reporters $8 to call the Circus Bears the hottest team in the BFL.
118
Moose River
Mounties | Pts | |
Trent Green |
31 | |
Jamal Lewis |
24 | |
Moe Williams |
9 | |
Randy Moss |
28 | |
Troy Edwards |
8 | |
Andre Johnson |
5 | |
Jeremy Shockey |
8 | |
Morton Andersen |
9 | |
Patsies |
26 |
| 
68
Toledo
Neanderthal | Pts | |
Duante Culpepper |
28 | |
Domanick Davis |
30 | |
Michael Pittman |
12 | |
Anquan Boldin |
4 | |
Troy Brown |
2 | |
Plaxico Burress |
1 | |
Randy McMichaels |
10 | |
Aaron Elling |
7 | |
Steelers |
4 |
|
|
|
Stephen Davis
West Coast Mennonites
|
Week Eight Team |
Pts | |
Peyton Manning, BAK |
47 | |
Stephen Davis, WC |
31 |
Domanick Davis, TOL
Priest Holmes, WV |
30 | |
Randy Moss, MOOS |
28 | |
Reggie Wayne, BAK |
26 | |
Hines Ward, MAY |
23 | |
Tony Gonzalez, BOS |
16 |
Martin Gramatica, BAK
Mike Vanderjagt, WV |
12 | |
Dolphins, EAST |
42 |
|
Disappointment of the Week |
Vikings
Mayberry Fifes
|
All-Dissappointment Team |
Pts | |
Drew Bledsoe, WC |
7 | |
Corey Dillon, BOS |
0 | |
Jerome Bettis, BAK |
1 | |
Donté Stallworth, WV |
0 |
Corey Bradford, MAY
Plaxico Burress, TOL |
1 | |
Travis Taylor, EAST |
1 |
Dallas Clark, WV
Christian Fauria, MAY |
0 | |
Billy Cundiff, MAY |
0 | |
Steelers, TOL |
4 |
|
