|
Pair of D(e)uces
LAS VEGAS--Luck doesn't last long in this town. Riding a six game winning streak, Pueblo looked poised for another close win, but came up short. Four weeks ago, the Grifters lost the highest scoring game of the week in Pueblo by three points; Monday, the Prairiedogs lost the highest scoring game of the week in Las Vegas by two. In the two games, the teams combined for 683 points, a total it took the Boston Lagers seven games to surpass.
"So this is how the Grifters felt a month ago?" asked a low-key Joe Horn as he left the field. "No wonder Anthony Becht was so pissed off."
Becht, who spoke openly to the press about his hatred for all things Prairiedog on Saturday, was signed to a three book deal by the publisher
114
|
Pueblo Prairiedogs | Pts | |
Rich Gannon |
35 | |
Charlie Garner |
18 | |
Duce Staley |
16 | |
Terrell Owens |
30 | |
Joe Horn |
15 | |
Hines Ward |
14 | |
Alge Crumpler |
8 | |
Sebastian Janikowski |
4 | |
Eagles |
15 |
| 
116
|
Sin City Grifters | Pts | |
Drew Bledsoe |
30 | |
Deuce McAllister |
34 | |
Edgerrin James |
16 | |
Randy Moss |
23 | |
Kevin Johnson |
9 | |
Rod Gardner |
7 | |
Anthony Becht |
1 | |
Morton Andersen |
9 | |
Jaguars |
28 |
|
s of Anthony Robbins "Giant Within" series. Becht was named player of the game for a heroic catch for four yards made on a 3-and-out drive in the second quarter.
Prairiedog management had told Becht to keep his mouth shut until he caught a pass in the BFL. After the catch, which came on third and seven and forced the Grifters to punt, the game was halted while Becht gave the ball to Sin City trainers for safekeeping and addressed the crowd, thanking them for being "the best damn fans in the whole world... except maybe those Manchester soccer fans in England. I mean those guys'll kill you if you root for the other team. Not that I'm endorsing you killing a Prairiedog fan, but if you did I wouldn't be mad either."
Many felt the honor should have gone to Deuce McAllister who scored three touchdowns and nearly received BFL Player of the Week recognition. "I can't really get too upset," shrugged McAllister, "At the end, when [Duce] Staley was being handed the ball eight straight times, I figured we were going to lose any way." Staley wound up with 126 yards rushing, but was kept out of the end zone to secure the Grifter win.
Toledo Fails Math Class
TOLEDO--West Coast gave numbers to show how the Neanderthal/Mennonite series skewed westward, but Toledo didn't pay much attention. In fact, despite the averages saying West Coast is more likely to win a match up of these teams, Toledo can now point to their two game winning streak against West Coast as evidence to the contrary.
"Who cares?" sighed Judge Gene Bell. "As long as I beat Greg, I'm happy."
Bell nearly didn't have that pleasure, but Sam Rutigliano opted for a two-point conversion to Chad Lewis following a Corey Dillon touchdown run, giving the Neanderthal a one-point win. "I knew we could--and had to--shut down Lewis," grumbled Mennonite head coach Mike Ditka, "and we did except on that one play."
The Mennonites have now lost three games this season by a combined total of six points. This loss was made even more painful by the sight of Cris Carter clad in street clothes across the field from West Coast on the Toledo sidelines. "Of course," Judge Bell hinted as he looked at Plaxico Burress sitting on the bench, "I don't really know where Carter fits into our depth chart. He hasn't put on a Neanderthal uniform yet, who knows if he will?"
82
West Coast
Mennonites | Pts | |
Trent Green |
19 | |
James Stewart |
25 | |
Antowain Smith |
12 | |
Eric Moulds |
17 | |
Jerry Porter |
8 | |
Rod Smith |
7 | |
Marcus Pollard |
4 | |
Adam Vinatieri |
4 | |
Steelers |
25 |
| 
83
Toledo
Neanderthal | Pts | |
Tim Couch |
46 | |
Corey Dillon |
19 | |
Curtis Martin |
12 | |
Marvin Harrison |
11 | |
Jerry Rice |
5 | |
Darrell Jackson |
4 | |
Chad Lewis |
2 | |
Jose Cortez |
9 | |
Saints |
14 |
|
|
Lagers Get Warm
CHARLESTON, WV--Someone buy the Lagers a calendar. The message seems to have just reached Boston that the BFL season has started. Following an 0-5 start, Boston has rattled off three straight wins and worked its way into a three-way tie for second place in the McKay.
At the same time, someone needs to remind West Virginia the season isn't over. The team that entered the season on an eleven game winning streak, now has lost three straight and will face the juggernaut Pueblo Prairiedogs next week. Fan support, already dwindling in the face of an expanded NASCAR season, has reached an all-time low.
West Virginia played to the smallest crowd in team history as many fans opted to stay home and watch the NAPA 500 on the television. As the race neared its conclusion, the twenty-eight fans at the Woolf Den asked the teams to "keep it down" so they could concentrate on Kurt Busch's victory and Tony Stewart's "all but Winston Cup clinching" finish.
"You can't support a team in an environment like this," admitted coach John Cooper. "I used to coach in a town where we could pack--no kidding--more than 100,000 people in a stadium. I sure would like to go back there."
114
Boston
Lagers | Pts | |
Chad Pennington |
28 | |
Kevin Barlow |
23 | |
Warrick Dunn |
20 | |
Derrick Mason |
26 | |
Troy Brown |
10 | |
Corey Bradford |
2 | |
Byron Chamberlain |
4 | |
David Akers |
10 | |
Bears |
4 |
| 
93
West Virginia
Woolfs | Pts | |
Donovan McNabb |
26 | |
Priest Holmes |
27 | |
Travis Henry |
16 | |
David Boston |
13 | |
Amani Toomer |
3 | |
David Patten |
0 | |
Todd Heap |
11 | |
Paul Edinger |
1 | |
Ravens |
9 |
|
|
Tragic Trent Event
MOOSE RIVER--While his namesake's family looked back fondly upon his first year of life, Trent Dilfer looked back fondly upon his ability to walk. "Man, I'm going to miss that," Dilfer smiled as he was lifted into the back of an ambulance while his foot was lifted into another.
Dilfer collapsed without being tackled as his Achille's tendon snapped like kindling while dropping back for a pass. Linebacker Derrick Brooks was so disappointed at not being able to knock another quarterback out of the game, as the Buccaneers had to Brett Favre last week, he decided to go after another Trent.
"You know, a loss is bad enough. Losing another quarterback for the season is bad enough," a frosting covered Ryan Lindstrom complained, "But when a 250 pound man who runs a 4.4 forty feels the need to come into my home and dump my son's birthday cake over my head to rub it in... I think the commissioner's office needs to review this."
Lindstrom added Brooks had wasted nearly a half gallon of Rocky Road ice cream, writing "Bees Rule" in chocolate on the garage door of stately Lindstrom manor.
109
East Coast
Killah Bees | Pts | |
Aaron Brooks |
20 | |
Shaun Alexander |
26 | |
Amos Zeroue |
17 | |
Marty Booker |
16 | |
Jimmy Smith |
16 | |
Donte Stallworth |
3 | |
Tony Gonzalez |
9 | |
Jason Elam |
6 | |
Buccaneers |
37 |
| 
45
Moose River
Mounties | Pts | |
Trent Dilfer |
1 | |
Fred Taylor |
12 | |
Jamal Lewis |
8 | |
Peerless Price |
18 | |
Joey Galloway |
15 | |
"Angry Ed" McCaffrey |
15 | |
Ricky Dudley |
2 | |
John Carney |
11 | |
Titans |
4 |
|
|
Doom, Gloom, Broom
BAKERSFIELD, VT--In a town like Mayberry, people find pleasure in the little things. A stick, a string, a hook, and some worms can make for hours of relaxation. Good conversation can always be found at the barber shop or around the old pickle barrel.
Oh, yeah, and kicking the living crap outta circus folk sure does a heart some good.
The Fifes may be 1-5 against everyone else in the world, but Sunday they completed a sweep of the Circus Bears, sending general manager Don Knotts into convulsions of victory. "My p-p-pills!" shouted Knotts, apparently referring to the Fifes by a new nickname he made up. The marketing department began designing a "P-p-pills!" t-shirt just in case the name takes off.
Eddie George rushed for 106 yards, breaking the triple digit mark for the first time since winning the 2000 Bucco Bruce Bowl MVP award, but downplayed any praise. "Come on!" George yelped, warding off reporters with a rolled up, wet towel. "The last time I played a good game and talked to you guys I sucked for two years! Get out of here!"
65
Mayberry
Fifes | Pts | |
David Carr |
19 | |
Eddie George |
14 | |
Anthony Thomas |
2 | |
Tim Brown |
22 | |
Az Hakim |
11 | |
Keyshawn Johnson |
3 | |
Eric Johnson |
0 | |
Martin Gramatica |
17 | |
Redskins |
26 |
| 
52
Bakersfield
Circus Bears | Pts | |
Peyton Manning |
32 | |
Emmitt Smith |
14 | |
Stephen Davis |
7 | |
Qadry Ismail |
5 | |
Koren Robinson |
3 | |
Marcus Robinson |
2 | |
Shannon Sharpe |
9 | |
Mike Hollis |
6 | |
Broncos |
23 |
|
|
|
Tim Couch
Toledo Neanderthal
|
Week Eight Team |
Pts | |
Tim Couch, TOL |
46 | |
Deuce McAllister, SIN |
34 | |
Priest Holmes, WV |
27 | |
Terrell Owens, PBLO |
30 | |
Derrick Mason, BOS |
26 | |
Randy Moss, SIN |
23 | |
Todd Heap, WV |
11 | |
Martin Gramatica, MAY |
17 | |
Buccaneers, EAST |
37 |
|
Disappointment of the Week |
Stephen Davis
Bakersfield Circus Bears
|
All-Dissappointment Team |
Pts | |
Trent Dilfer, MOOS |
1 | |
Anthony Thomas. MAY |
2 | |
Stephen Davis, BAK |
7 | |
David Patten, WV |
0 | |
Corey Bradford, BOS |
2 | |
Marcus Robinson, BAK |
2 | |
Eric Johnson, MAY |
0 | |
Paul Edinger, WV |
1 |
Bears, BOS
Titans, MOOS |
4 |
|
