Sloppy Mounties Get 2nd Chance
MOOSE RIVER, MANITOBA--The only thing pretty about Sunday's first round McKay playoff game was the "W" that gave Moose River a pass to take on West Virginia in the McKay title game next weekend, a rematch from last year. "We got the win," shrugged head coach Arthur Fonzarelli. "We'll work on being impressive next week, I guess."
With the exception of tight end Jason Witten, the Mounties turned in a host of disappointing performances, highlighted--or lowlighted--by rookie Ronnie Brown's 30 yards rushing capped with a lost fumble. "
MVP
Jason
Witten |
Our rookie screwed up once," admitted Brown's mentor Lamont Jordan with a chuckle, "but theirs coughed it up five times... so they sucked worse than we did."
Ryan Fitzpatrick, the Fifes rookie quarterback, may well have cost his team the victory with his five-interception passing performance, but didn't shy away from reporters after the game. The Harvard grad tapped his shoulders defiantly. "Place blame here," he insisted. "I can handle it. Coach gave me a job and I didn't do it. It's not easy when you're sharing the roster with a legend like Mike McMahon, and if you get the starting nod over him, you have to be willing to listen to all the criticism of the people who are going to second guess and say, 'If only we'd had Mike McMahon under center.' It comes with the territory."
Fitzpatrick added that his biggest regret was failing to win Sunday's game after dedicating it to deceased Fifes offensive coordinator Wayne Fontes. "There is so much love for the man within this locker room. I know he'd been dead for a few weeks before I even joined the team, but still it feels like he was the father I never had--Hey, is that a quarter?"
Fitzpatrick knealt to pick up what turned out to be a Chuck E. Cheese game token, just as a crossbow bolt narrowly missed his head, lodging into his locker. "Yeah," he continued, "the fat, greasy, mildly retarded father I never had."
65
| Mayberry Fifes | Pts |
| Ryan Fitzgerald | 10 |
| Mike Anderson | 2 |
| Michael Bennett | 14 |
| Steve Smith | 11 |
| Reggie Wayne | 9 |
| Rod Smith | 9 |
| Randy McMichael | 2 |
| Shayne Graham | 11 |
| Cowboys | 7
|
| 
71
| Moose River Mounties | Pts |
| Kurt Warner | 21 |
| Lamont Jordan | 10 |
| Ronnie Brown | 0 |
| Larry Fitzgerald | 5 |
| Plaxico Burress | 4 |
| Santana Moss | 10 |
| Jason Witten | 20 |
| Mark Bryant | 8 |
| Bears | 3
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Date with Destiny
SEASIDE, AZ--By ownership's own admission, Athens "backdoored" its way into the postseason, but upon beginning the playoffs, the Woodchucks are kicking the door down. "We did this in 1999," owner Brian Birch recalled. "We hung on through a mediocre regular season, but finished strong and swept through the playoffs." That year, the Woodchucks finished with just five wins, but went on to win the franchise's first Bucco Bruce Bowl.
Given the Woodchucks' performance this weekend, there's no reason to believe they won't
MVP
Chris
Chambers |
manage to pull off the feat again. "Let's not forget," laughed former Woodchucks running back Errict Rhett while pouring champagne during the postgame celebration, "that every year George Lucas has put out one of those godawful Star Wars prequels, this franchise has hoisted the Culverhouse Cup."
Rhett's observation prompted many within the Woodchucks franchise to ask, "How the hell did Errict Rhett get into the locker room?"
Athens, a considerable underdog going into the game, dominated Seaside, showing the kind of swagger that's earned the league's only two-time champs a reputation for arrogance. In fact, in a challenge to the Squid, head coach John Elway made the gutsy call of starting running back Curtis Martin just hours after the running back announced he would have knee surgery and miss the entire postseason.
"Curtis has meant so much to this team," Elway explained, "there was no way I was going to leave him out of this game, torn tendons or not." With Martin out, his teammates boosted their own games, none moreso than Chris Chambers, who earned player of the game honors following his two touchdown performance.
Seaside's loss was made even more humiliating as suspended receiver Terrell Owens purchased a block of tickets in the north end zone and took a nap there, a shot Fox used before and after 80% of its commercial breaks.
135
| Athenian Woodchucks | Pts |
| Drew Brees | 36 |
| Curtis Martin | 0 |
| Clinton Portis | 20 |
| Jimmy Smith | 20 |
| Chris Chambers | 28 |
| Eddie Kennison | 18 |
| Tony Gonzalez | 11 |
| Jay Feely | 14 |
| Buccaneers | 15
|
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83
| Seaside Squid | Pts |
| Trent Green | 32 |
| Edgerrin James | 22 |
| Reuben Droughns | 8 |
| Jerry Porter | 12 |
| Amani Toomer | 9 |
| Michael Clayton | 1 |
| Alge Crumpler | 9 |
| Adam Vinatieri | 5 |
| Colts | 12
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